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 Watching Movies Alone with crumbsroom 
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Hi. I'm crumbsroom. This is my thread where I will try and convince you that every terrible movie I watch is a 10/10 by showing you a movie poster and telling you how drunk I am. Sometimes I will show you two movie posters and not say anything at all. Since I'm new here, I'll try to refrain from talking too much about Canadian television, for example, Louis Del Grande's "Seeing Things". I can totally understand how that would be pushing it too far.


Thu Nov 30, 2017 1:50 pm
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8/10


Thu Nov 30, 2017 1:51 pm
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Great to see you and this thread again, Crumb.


Thu Nov 30, 2017 2:04 pm
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Three posts.

Well, its a start.


Thu Nov 30, 2017 8:28 pm
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Yay, Crummy thread!
Yay, Wooley! (I was afraid we'd lost you)
It's starting to get comfortable up in this mofo. Stay tuned for my Calvaire review, me likey.

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Thu Nov 30, 2017 10:28 pm
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John Dumbear wrote:
Three posts.

Well, its a start.

It's a goddamn golden dawn, Dumbar. Best quit this bed-bitching and get your ass praying to the east. I have to start serving some much needed gratitude for breakfast around here.


Thu Nov 30, 2017 10:28 pm
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Hey fatties, if you want to jam with the cool kids from RT, this is where we've landed for the moment: https://kingelessar8.forumchitchat.com/categories

Come... or don't. TBH, the posters that I want to talk to are already there. But I figured I should link to it for old time's sake.


Fri Dec 01, 2017 1:54 am
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Captain Terror wrote:
Yay, Wooley! (I was afraid we'd lost you)


Rock found me.


Fri Dec 01, 2017 1:57 am
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Zuben wrote:
Hey fatties, if you want to jam with the cool kids from RT, this is where we've landed for the moment: https://kingelessar8.forumchitchat.com/categories

Come... or don't. TBH, the posters that I want to talk to are already there. But I figured I should link to it for old time's sake.


I went by there but it didn't look there was much posting in the last year so I just came here where the Horrorcram is.


Fri Dec 01, 2017 1:58 am
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Zuben wrote:
Hey fatties, if you want to jam with the cool kids from RT, this is where we've landed for the moment: https://kingelessar8.forumchitchat.com/categories

Come... or don't. TBH, the posters that I want to talk to are already there. But I figured I should link to it for old time's sake.


This place needs an Off-Topic forum so we can post here without having to mix with these "people."


Fri Dec 01, 2017 2:00 am
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crumbsroom wrote:
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8/10

Richard Jaeckel AND Bradford Dillman? Holy crap!
Being on the level, here - two of my favorite 70's TV movie personnel.


Fri Dec 01, 2017 2:48 am
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I picked up a DVD of Candy because I couldn't bother rummaging through my VHS' anymore. I haven't seen it in many years. Man, little rapey. I'm sure that this is accentuated by this post-Weinstein era that we find ourselves in, but the humor is, uh, a little uncomfortable even though the men and their insatiable egos tend to be the satirical targets. And Ringo Starr's Mexican gardener? Weelll...at least he's not onscreen as much as Caveman.

Some things work better than others. There's a great translation of the book, which describes a poet (seemingly more modeled on Norman Mailer however) who always seems to have a dramatic wind blowing in his hair. The film, with Richard Burton in the role, accomplishes this detail very well, by constantly keeping a fan on him, indoors as well, with his billowing brow reflecting his vacuous vanity. Marlon Brando's Maharishi is not quite as precise, but still another exposure of manipulative dominance. All of the men in the film amount to caricatures and cartoons of self-importance and desperate needs. This may be overlooked by the fact that our fair-haired alien mistress is so placidly submissive in ways that must only be regarded as offensively chauvinistic today. The film, generally, isn't very well made, and it's dated swingisms and contemporary psychedelic pandering undermine the intended satire. It would have been more promising to see it made by Blake Edwards or Mel Brooks or a young Brian De Palma in his Hi Mom years.


Fri Dec 01, 2017 6:14 am
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Wooley wrote:
Great to see you and this thread again, Crumb.


Word. I'm surprised by how few we have seemed to have lost so far. Still no Rumpled though.


Fri Dec 01, 2017 10:39 am
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crumbsroom wrote:

Word. I'm surprised by how few we have seemed to have lost so far. Still no Rumpled though.


Anybody post on his YouTube channel?


Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:01 am
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Catbus! wrote:

Anybody post on his YouTube channel?


I tried, but it seems his account is not set to accept messages. So I posted a comment on one of his contest videos. He should have gotten an email alerting him about the comment, but I haven't gotten a response.

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Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:06 am
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Catbus! wrote:
Richard Jaeckel AND Bradford Dillman? Holy crap!
Being on the level, here - two of my favorite 70's TV movie personnel.


They do have to share the screen with some very charismatic green-screened bats though, so be prepared to maybe root for those instead as they hump faces and dive bomb what appears to be screaming women holograms during the climax.

Image

Image


Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:09 am
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I watched the trailer, and am willing to watch the movie. But if the problem is what I think it is, I can't believe that not one of the survivors has an M-80 in his stash.


Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:30 am
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Zuben wrote:
Hey fatties, if you want to jam with the cool kids from RT, this is where we've landed for the moment: https://kingelessar8.forumchitchat.com/categories

Come... or don't. TBH, the posters that I want to talk to are already there. But I figured I should link to it for old time's sake.


I'll probably be around.


Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:40 am
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I'm pretty sure Rump knows about this site. I think his word was "snooty".


Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:46 am
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wirthling wrote:

This place needs an Off-Topic forum so we can post here without having to mix with these "people."


That came out all wrong. I meant to say "Hellooooo!"


Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:06 pm
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wirthling wrote:

That came out all wrong. I meant to say "Hellooooo!"
I feel ya. It is how I managed to accumulate 10k+ posts in a single thread. THESE PEOPLE ARE SO WEIRD *cough* sup


Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:09 pm
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The Nameless One wrote:
I feel ya. It is how I managed to accumulate 10k+ posts in a single thread. THESE PEOPLE ARE SO WEIRD *cough* sup


I'm trying to post 1 post in 10k+ forums. Only 9,993 forums to go.


Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:23 pm
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wirthling wrote:

I'm trying to post 1 post in 10k+ forums. Only 9,993 forums to go.
Tell Redlettermedia that Nameless says hi *waves*

If the corrie shuts down we will need to form viking raiding parties in Kateland, just a heads up


Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:40 pm
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The Nameless One wrote:
Tell Redlettermedia that Nameless says hi *waves*

If the corrie shuts down we will need to form viking raiding parties in Kateland, just a heads up


Fair enough.

I don't think I'm welcome on RLM. Failed viking raiding party. (They thought it was a viking raiding party, anyway.)


Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:43 pm
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wirthling wrote:
I don't think I'm welcome on RLM.
They will rue the day. Someone brew up some shrooms and let's sail our ships to new lands

EDIT: Well, failure or glorious send off to Valhalla? It seems to me this defeat has laid path to a new beginning! Sharpen the broadswords, light the arrows


Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:46 pm
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wirthling wrote:
I don't think I'm welcome on RLM. Failed viking raiding party. (They thought it was a viking raiding party, anyway.)


I still take it as a point of shame that I was one of the few that didn't get banned from RLM. Seriously, how many times was it necessary for me to call their mod a fat invalid cunt? Because I'm pretty sure that was all I went there to do.


Sat Dec 02, 2017 1:46 pm
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crumbsroom wrote:

I still take it as a point of shame that I was one of the few that didn't get banned from RLM. Seriously, how many times was it necessary for me to call their mod a fat invalid cunt? Because I'm pretty sure that was all I went there to do.
I'm guessing this RLM raid was some OT-only shenanigans, because I don't remember it happening at all...

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Sat Dec 02, 2017 2:40 pm
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Stu wrote:
I'm guessing this RLM raid was some OT-only shenanigans, because I don't remember it happening at all...


Yeah, predominantly. There were a couple other GDers there, but not too many.


Sat Dec 02, 2017 2:55 pm
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Image

For a low budget 60's sci-fi film, this turned out to be a surprisingly creepy movie. I'd give it an 8/10, but the fact that this is also what I gave Chosen Survivors, I feel that maybe I ruined that particular score forever.


Sat Dec 02, 2017 3:00 pm
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Jinnistan wrote:
I'm pretty sure Rump knows about this site. I think his word was "snooty".


I'm sure he also said that about the Horrorcram thread on RT.


Sat Dec 02, 2017 3:08 pm
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BEYOND THE SEVENTH DOOR

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Following the exploits of Boris, a third rate thief armed only with a jean jacket, pack of cigarettes and extension cord, we will watch him fumble his way through the rooms of treacherous tourist trap, Casa Loma, looking for a suitcase full of cash. Likely only familiar to Toronto grade school kids who were forced to take class trips there, Casa Loma is a Gothic style castle that was built in the middle of the city in the early 1900s by a rich eccentric, and has all of the menace of a place that ten year olds are brought to in order to wander around bored and learn all about the boring history of their boring city. The only real menace it personally contains for me are the half remembered fears of teachers warning us not to get locked in the underground stables over night, or the school bus would leave with out me. This will be even more frightening than anything Boris and his midnight excursions through this staple of cheesy wedding receptions will offer viewers though. In Beyond the Seventh Door, Casa Loma has been transformed into little more than a bunch of unadorned rooms that lock behind him, and supposedly threaten death if he can't solve whatever riddle the room offers him. This will lead him to smoke furiously and pull at his mangy hair since apparently the stress of solving word jumbles is well beyond the limitations of poor Boris' burgling skills.

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With his cigarette now lit, Boris can ponder over the mysteries of what OPNE SMSEAE could possibly mean. Is it an ancient Egyptian Hieroglyph? A pre-Mesopotamian dialect? Something cribbed from the Just for Fun section of The Toronto Sun? Hurry up cigarette, give him the answers!

The perils Boris and his female accomplice will face will be variously dull and lead to us watching Boris unscrew plates in walls in real time and, when no other solution seems apparent, just punch his way through the offending wall.

Dragging even at 1 hour and 15 minutes, the only real saving grace with this turd is the monumentally weird face of its lead actor, and the horror as he moves it closer to his female co star for a kiss, whispering through his slippery lips "I want to make love to you". And I was beginning to think this really wasn't a scary film after all

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I don't want to be mean or anything, but his face looks like a demon sucked his soul out through his mouth and left a deflated jean jacket wearing husk behind.

His acting is also something to behold, a weird blend of Neil Breen and Tommy Wiseau. Speaking in a Serbian accent, he does no favours to viewers trying to understand what he is saying. But putting on subtitles is probably not necessary since all of the twitching, sniffing and blinking he does with this face usually lets us know the gist of whatever he is hoping to communicate. More often than not it is 'get me out of here, I'm running out of smokes'

Shot on a seriously cheap budget, the cast is so small that the fourth billed actor during the credits is "Dead Man". Recognizing the name, I immediately back peddalled to "Dead Man's" big scene lying on a concrete floor, and suddenly I recognized this luminous stage presence as being much more than simply a corpse. This luminous corpse is a legend.

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Not only was actor Ben Kerr born to play the role of Dead Man With Screwdriver, he also ran for Mayor of Toronto. Many times. On a platform of "Drink Cayenne Pepper, It Gets Your Dick Hard"

So, beyond ugly faces and fringe mayoral candidates/street buskers, there is not much to offer here. For those two attributes though, I'll give it a 4/10.


Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:36 am
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Jinnistan wrote:
at least he's not onscreen as much as Caveman.


One of the first great disappointments of my life was realizing that Caveman wasn't the brilliant comedy I promised my grandmother, who I forced to sit and watch with me. This was the moment in her life where I imagine she began calibrating the worth of loving me if this was the cost. How could a movie with dinosaur shit in it fail me so (I actually have no idea if their is dinosaur shit in this movie, but I imagine there must have been)


Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:50 am
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crumbsroom wrote:
(I actually have no idea if their is dinosaur shit in this movie, but I imagine there must have been)

Of course there was. A heavy mound of dinosaur shit. And do you know what else? Can you even imagine? They touch it and squeeze it because they don't even know any better. Uh-oh!


Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:00 am
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Just did my monthly hunt through Amazon Prime for titles, and I am confident that I will be unable to convince anyone else to watch some of them with me, leading to the lonely inevitability of mentioning them here. A couple of them are ones I saw long eons past, but some will be virgin territory.

Time Barbarians - Looks like utter Beastmaster bullshit. So hard.

The Iron Super Man - Chinese giant robot movie that predates Ultraman.

Galaxina - Probably better than Caveman although I saw them around the same time.

Ator, The Fighting Eagle - My neighbors will feel the Earth tremble under this nut.

Phoenix, The Warrior - Kinda like Ator but post-apocalyptic and starring Ilia from Star Trek in the lead. Also known as " She-Wolves of the Wasteland".

Also got something called Sigaw (The Echo), The Garden (54 minute horror film), something called Amethyst, and a film of Takashi Miike's stage production Demon Pond. I also saw something with Ernest Borgnine holding nunchucks. Society can kiss this ass.


Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:47 am
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Jinnistan wrote:
Just did my monthly hunt through Amazon Prime for titles, and I am confident that I will be unable to convince anyone else to watch some of them with me, leading to the lonely inevitability of mentioning them here. A couple of them are ones I saw long eons past, but some will be virgin territory.

Time Barbarians - Looks like utter Beastmaster bullshit. So hard.

The Iron Super Man - Chinese giant robot movie that predates Ultraman.

Galaxina - Probably better than Caveman although I saw them around the same time.

Ator, The Fighting Eagle - My neighbors will feel the Earth tremble under this nut.

Phoenix, The Warrior - Kinda like Ator but post-apocalyptic and starring Ilia from Star Trek in the lead. Also known as " She-Wolves of the Wasteland".

Also got something called Sigaw (The Echo), The Garden (54 minute horror film), something called Amethyst, and a film of Takashi Miike's stage production Demon Pond. I also saw something with Ernest Borgnine holding nunchucks. Society can kiss this ass.


I would watch any and all of these. Access is all that is required.


Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:19 am
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crumbsroom wrote:

I still take it as a point of shame that I was one of the few that didn't get banned from RLM. Seriously, how many times was it necessary for me to call their mod a fat invalid cunt? Because I'm pretty sure that was all I went there to do.


I don't think I was banned. I swore off returning to there after they banned Moses and Sprague Dawley and I haven't. But yeah, those cunts were cunty.


Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:21 am
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crumbsroom wrote:
I would watch any and all of these. Access is all that is required.

Something tells me that a couple of these could be lurking in that Toronto den of electro-magnetic desires that has so much acclaim. I'm willing to wager that they also would provide a far more impressive grab-bag than late night Prime surfing.

Look at this shit:

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First, to clarify, Persis Khambatta does not play the lead, but is more like the henchwoman for the "Reverend Mother" (think Michael Ironsides from Spacehunter - this film does not scrimp on its recycling budget), and Phoenix the Warrior is actually played by the Tanya Roberts-wannabe Kathleen Kinmont. Not a lot of nudity, which may seem like a petty complaint, except, c'mon, here we are. I suppose I should be complaining about a lack of story or something? Should I expect the squibs to be synchronized? I don't feel like I'm asking for that much. At any rate, Persis Khambatta can safely claim that Megaforce isn't her worst film, and that's more charitable than I'm feeling.


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An early Troma sex comedy (although I hear it's classified as 'adventure') about astral fucking. The copy on Prime had the audio completely drop out after about 20 minutes, and I'm not entirely sure if I want to finish it with the captions on.


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Sometimes it's convenient to have a handy example of a piss-poor giallo to contrast the quality ones. There were a number of technical hurdles here - poor dubbing, horrible tinting and harsh cropping - that are emblematic of cheap duping, but I doubt any restoration can help elucidate the plotting. Alfonso Brescia is on probation for the indeterminate future.


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More like an arty student film, this supposedly has a young girl who unknowingly imbibes an entire vial of LSD. The film is shot entirely without microphones or natural sound, giving it a silent film feel. Even the constant high-speed shutter gives it a hyperkinetic sheen. But beyond that, the film tries the impossible task of filming a psychedelic experience, offering much of what you would imagine that would entail. I'm not convinced that the filmmakers have any idea how much LSD is in a vial though, since it didn't go into a white screen for five or six hours. Instead, we get a bit of Alice-esque looking glass whimsy, the pretty flowers and fish, random vampires and vagabonds, and orbs and pyramids because omg so esoteric.


tl;dr, yadda yadda, I really crapped out last night.


Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:28 pm
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Jinnistan wrote:

Galaxina - Probably better than Caveman although I saw them around the same time.



That's like saying burning the roof of your mouth is better than burning diarrhea. The saving grace is that both had hotties (Barbara Bach & Dorothy Stratton)


Mon Dec 04, 2017 9:46 pm
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Having suffered through Dreams Come True in its entirety, my advice is to move on. Not even sure how it got on my radar, but I don't remember it as a comedy but rather a fantasy/romance kind of thing (like Ghost kind of?), which maybe Troma isn't so great at. Felt like 4 hours. And nothing happens that is as sexy as the poster.

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Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:34 pm
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Captain Terror wrote:
Having suffered through Dreams Come True in its entirety, my advice is to move on. Not even sure how it got on my radar, but I don't remember it as a comedy but rather a fantasy/romance kind of thing (like Ghost kind of?), which maybe Troma isn't so great at. Felt like 4 hours. And nothing happens that is as sexy as the poster.

Yeah, don't worry, I'm not going to be finishing this one. I did peep a synopsis, and even if I didn't so easily hold a grudge for dumb technical errors, I wouldn't want to mix in dying mothers and molesting uncles into the fantasy. I think that being an early Troma effort is the extent of its interest. And Stephanie Shuford, the lead, was a pretty good actress from what I saw, and it appears that this is the only thing she was in. It's really a shame if this film derailed a promising career, one not based solely on looks.


Tue Dec 05, 2017 2:05 am
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John Dumbear wrote:


That's like saying burning the roof of your mouth is better than burning diarrhea. The saving grace is that both had hotties (Barbara Bach & Dorothy Stratton)

It's telling that this comedy isn't nearly as funny as the unintentional Starcrash. Everyone thought that being George Lucas was easy. Galaxina must have been the film that the original Star Wars cast assumed they were making.


Tue Dec 05, 2017 2:10 am
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Jinnistan wrote:
Something tells me that a couple of these could be lurking in that Toronto den of electro-magnetic desires that has so much acclaim. I'm willing to wager that they also would provide a far more impressive grab-bag than late night Prime surfing.


More than likely some of them are there. It isn't the most organized space in the world so you just kinda just find what you find and roll with it.

I'm particularly interested in Amethyst.


Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:44 pm
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Image

Banking on those who are terrified of their floors being carpeted by mutant slugs while they are in the midst of a fuck, there may be a limited amount of fear that this film can peddle, but the fact that it made me squirm on a number of occasions is at least a little bit of something. Super gross moments are consistently blanketed between so many scenes of some of the most banal, day to day life interludes imaginable, that the contrast is at times hilarious. Housewife worries about how she is drinking too much at dinner parties, then someones head explodes with parasitic worms. Just another day in your typical suburban misery.

Also, I was particularly fond of the "British friend" who is apparently super smart and in high demand scientist who everyone things may have the solutions to all of the sluggish problems here, but on closer analysis, is almost certainly nothing more than a high school biology teacher. The British accent is fairly impressively smart sounding though and so I can understand every one of those who literally run to him for help when they become worried at the size of the slugs found on their garden cabbages.

Terrible but definitely kinda fun

6.5/10


Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:55 pm
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Also watched this one last night. It's got an awful lot of half baked ideas, but none of them really come together, and it ends with a complete thud because it probably realizes it doesn't really have much to say about anything.

4/10


Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:03 pm
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crumbsroom wrote:
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Banking on those who are terrified of their floors being carpeted by mutant slugs while they are in the midst of a fuck, there may be a limited amount of fear that this film can peddle, but the fact that it made me squirm on a number of occasions is at least a little bit of something. Super gross moments are consistently blanketed between so many scenes of some of the most banal, day to day life interludes imaginable, that the contrast is at times hilarious. Housewife worries about how she is drinking too much at dinner parties, then someones head explodes with parasitic worms. Just another day in your typical suburban misery.

Also, I was particularly fond of the "British friend" who is apparently super smart and in high demand scientist who everyone things may have the solutions to all of the sluggish problems here, but on closer analysis, is almost certainly nothing more than a high school biology teacher. The British accent is fairly impressively smart sounding though and so I can understand everyone those who literally run to him for help when they become worried at the size of the slugs found on their garden cabbages.

Terrible but definitely kinda fun

6.5/10

How does the "British friend" compare to the kung fu instructor from Pieces?

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Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:26 pm
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Rock wrote:
How does the "British friend" compare to the kung fu instructor from Pieces?


This is not even a fair fight. Kung Fu Instructor. Duh.


Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:48 pm
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crumbsroom wrote:
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Banking on those who are terrified of their floors being carpeted by mutant slugs while they are in the midst of a fuck, there may be a limited amount of fear that this film can peddle, but the fact that it made me squirm on a number of occasions is at least a little bit of something. Super gross moments are consistently blanketed between so many scenes of some of the most banal, day to day life interludes imaginable, that the contrast is at times hilarious. Housewife worries about how she is drinking too much at dinner parties, then someones head explodes with parasitic worms. Just another day in your typical suburban misery.

Also, I was particularly fond of the "British friend" who is apparently super smart and in high demand scientist who everyone things may have the solutions to all of the sluggish problems here, but on closer analysis, is almost certainly nothing more than a high school biology teacher. The British accent is fairly impressively smart sounding though and so I can understand every one of those who literally run to him for help when they become worried at the size of the slugs found on their garden cabbages.

Terrible but definitely kinda fun

6.5/10


Never seen it, but will keep an eye out for it. Is it fun gory mashup, humorous ala "Slither"?


Tue Dec 05, 2017 9:08 pm
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crumbsroom wrote:
I'm particularly interested in Amethyst.

You might be in for a particular disappointment. Unless you have a fondness for the music videos of poseur narcs like Tripping Daisy. A full vial should be more like The Art of Noise.


Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:07 am
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My crappy, one sentence review probably works better as a poem

If George Kennedy
Chasing down someone
Barefoot through a cactus patch
Driving slowly
Wearing a kimono
Giggling
Isn't your cup of tea
Don't watch this.


Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:42 pm
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This thread is food for my queue!


Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:53 am
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