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 Films i Saw Last Month From Crappiest to Greatest 
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I just caught up with a cousin I hadn't spoken to in years and it turns out he's huge into Archie comics. So there's at least one person.

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Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:34 am
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Rock wrote:
I just caught up with a cousin I hadn't spoken to in years and it turns out he's huge into Archie comics. So there's at least one person.

Please send me his contact info so I can do a thorough investigation, thx. :D

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Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:49 am
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Captain Terror wrote:
Please send me his contact info so I can do a thorough investigation, thx. :D

As an Archie purist, he was also mad about Riverdale.

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Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:59 am
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Takoma1 wrote:

A good barometer might be how you felt about Brick, only Riverdale tips a little more toward soap opera than noir.


It might prove useful after I finally get around to seeing Brick. :?


Thu Nov 15, 2018 5:14 am
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Apex Predator wrote:

It might prove useful after I finally get around to seeing Brick. :?


I'd think you would really like it. The whole noir-in-high-school thing is fun and the performances are pretty good, too.


Thu Nov 15, 2018 6:19 am
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Rock wrote:
As an Archie purist, he was also mad about Riverdale.

How old is he, just out of curiosity?

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Thu Nov 15, 2018 6:48 am
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Rumpled wrote:
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4th (2018)
A lonely 18-year-old high schooler opens up to her reflection because of the lack of support she has from family and her peers. She switches place with her supportive, but evil, twin that she discovers in the mirror's reflection, but the newfound freedom unleashes suppressed feelings.
8/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKborq8FgM0

2 extra points for India pleasuring herself in the bathroom :up:

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She's 25 btw :shifty:



thx for posting, I watched it and loved it


Thu Nov 15, 2018 11:30 am
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Captain Terror wrote:
How old is he, just out of curiosity?

34, which I think puts him roughly halfway between the two of us. Guess the Archie fandom blows up every second decade or so.

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Thu Nov 15, 2018 11:40 am
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wigwam wrote:


thx for posting, I watched it and loved it


*Fist pump* :)


Fri Nov 16, 2018 7:01 am
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Rumpled wrote:
11th
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Hold the Dark
(2018)

Retired naturalist and wolf expert Russell Core journeys to the edge of civilization in northern Alaska at the pleading of Medora Slone, a young mother whose son was killed by a pack of wolves. As Core attempts to help Medora track down the wolves who took her son, a strange and dangerous relationship develops between the two lonely souls. But when Medora's husband Vernon returns home from the Iraq War, the news of his child's death ignites a violent chain of events. As local cop Donald Marium races to stop Vernon's vengeful rampage, Core is forced on a perilous odyssey into the heart of darkness.
8/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFAwDO6b5KI

Any one who has been to Alaska and other far regions of this Earth .....knows that Out there there are Forces aka Demons ready to posses free minds and make them do horrific things....just like what the Natives used to do. - Youtube :shifty:

Captain Terror :up:

Watched it this week. Loved it. :up:

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Sat Nov 24, 2018 5:17 am
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Captain Terror wrote:
Watched it this week. Loved it. :up:


:up:


Fri Nov 30, 2018 7:28 am
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November



84th
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Surveillance
(2008)

Grisly murders occur in a small town. Two FBI agents arrive, set up their cameras in three interview rooms, and set up interviews of three survivors: a girl of about nine, a foul-mouthed cop with a bandaged hand, and a young woman of about 20 who uses drugs. Each tells their story as the male FBI agent listens and watches from a separate room: the girl draws for and talks to the female agent, the local chief interviews the injured cop, and two officers interview the young woman. As they tell their stories, some of which are inaccurate and self-serving, we see what actually happened the day before. Can the agents or anyone else put the pieces together?
1/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDQU39lkVX0

No idea what the hell was going on here, but i didn't like it and bailed within 30 minutes :down:


Tue Dec 04, 2018 10:15 pm
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83rd
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The Killer Inside Me
(2010)

Sadism and masochism beneath a veneer of revenge. Lou Ford is a mild-mannered sheriff's deputy in a Texas oil town in the mid 1950's. His boss sends him to roust a prostitute living in a rural house. She slaps him; he hits her, then, after daily sex for the next few weeks, he decides it's love. She's devoted to him and becomes his pawn in a revenge plot she thinks is to shakedown the son of Chester Conway, the town's wealthy king of construction. Lou has a different plan, and bodies pile up as murder leads to murder. The district attorney suspects Lou, and Conway may have an inkling, but Lou stays cool. Is love, or at least peace, in the cards?
1/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1I4rDHxzeCg

God i f**king hate the Afflecks, especially sexual harrassment Casey and his awful slurry voice and having cutesy Jessica Alba beaten repeatedly to a pulp which seemed to go on forever was absolutely sickening :x


Tue Dec 04, 2018 10:30 pm
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82nd
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Fear Clinic
(2014)

Sara (Fiona Dourif) is one of five people that was attacked in a small diner by a masked shooter. Dr. Andover (Robert Englund), a brilliant scientist and doctor that developed a new way of treating fear-related ailments by way of his "Fear Chamber", initially seemed to be the perfect cure but one by one the patients have all returned to the clinic due to their fears re-emerging worse than they had before. Sara returns to the clinic as well.
2/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RauVrydEeDg

Brad Dourif's daughter is hella cool, but can't save this turkey.
Clinically awful, you'll fear it will never end :P


Tue Dec 04, 2018 10:38 pm
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81st
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6-Headed Shark attack
(2018)

What is supposed to be a marriage boot camp on a remote island turns into a test for survival when a 6-headed shark starts attacking the beach. Trapped with minimal weapons they try to fight off the shark, but quickly discover that no one is safe in the water, or on land.
3/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ksmjm7OeX_E

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Tue Dec 04, 2018 10:48 pm
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80th
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Madeline's Madeline
(2018)

Madeline (newcomer Helena Howard) has become an integral part of a prestigious physical theater troupe. When the workshop's ambitious director (Molly Parker) pushes the teenager to weave her rich interior world and troubled history with her mother (Miranda July) into their collective art, the lines between performance and reality begin to blur. The resulting battle between imagination and appropriation rips out of the rehearsal space and through all three women's lives.
3/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_ezPTjSSPw

Argh!! Has one of my three most hated things... Cancer, Celery and Peformance Art :(

"Definitely an art house film - I've watched the trailer twice and now have even less idea what the hell this 'movie' is about. It may well be bold and invigorating, but so is a cold shower or getting slapped in the nuts with a wet fish"
- youtube :D


Tue Dec 04, 2018 11:04 pm
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79th
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Romina
(2018)

The story, simple as you might expect from this type of flicks, is woven around those characters who go on vacation to crystal Lake, find a lonely girl who for no reason goes around with her tits out and decide to rape her. It's basically a mexican I Spit on Your Grave.
3/10
Clip = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6bFydZOp3M

It's astonishingly bad in every department, but good for a giggle here and there for it's gobsmacking awfulness :shock:


Tue Dec 04, 2018 11:45 pm
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78th
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Girls vs Gangsters
(2018)

A wild bachelorette weekend in a foreign city spins hilariously out of control in this over-the-top sequel to the box office smash Girls. After a drinking contest with some questionable local spirits, three friends wake naked on a beach to discover two are handcuffed to a locked suitcase, one has a strange new tattoo, and none of them have any clue what happened the night before. When they soon find themselves pursued by local gangsters, their only shot at making it home - and to the altar - is to piece together the previous night's events while on the run.
3/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOuJepm82NI

It's basically The Hangover but with chinese girls... with Mike Tyson?


Tue Dec 04, 2018 11:55 pm
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Rumpled wrote:
83rd
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The Killer Inside Me
(2010)

Sadism and masochism beneath a veneer of revenge. Lou Ford is a mild-mannered sheriff's deputy in a Texas oil town in the mid 1950's. His boss sends him to roust a prostitute living in a rural house. She slaps him; he hits her, then, after daily sex for the next few weeks, he decides it's love. She's devoted to him and becomes his pawn in a revenge plot she thinks is to shakedown the son of Chester Conway, the town's wealthy king of construction. Lou has a different plan, and bodies pile up as murder leads to murder. The district attorney suspects Lou, and Conway may have an inkling, but Lou stays cool. Is love, or at least peace, in the cards?
1/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1I4rDHxzeCg

God i f**king hate the Afflecks, especially sexual harrassment Casey and his awful slurry voice and having cutesy Jessica Alba beaten repeatedly to a pulp which seemed to go on forever was absolutely sickening :x


Controversy time: I thought this was pretty good. I get some of the hate, particularly the violence against Alba, but in its own way, it works as nasty noir (which sometimes has issues with violence against women such as the grapefruit scene in Public Enemy).


Wed Dec 05, 2018 3:05 am
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Apex Predator wrote:

It works as nasty noir (which sometimes has issues with violence against women such as the grapefruit scene in Public Enemy).


No kidding... god knows how she managed to fit that whole thing in there? :shock:


Wed Dec 05, 2018 3:21 am
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77th
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Definition of Fear
(2015)

Four beautiful girl friends spend the weekend at a holiday cabin by a lake, under the pretense of a 'girlie weekend away' organised by Sarah Fording. Sarah has a hidden agenda to secretly film her three friends as part of her PHD Thesis in Psychology. She has set up the weekend to carry out her experiment and secretly film it using hidden cameras. The friends find a Ouija board which has been planted by Sarah, and when they start to play the board, strange paranormal experiences start to happen. They discover that maybe they are not alone, and what turns out to be a girl's weekend away, turns out to be a weekend from hell.
3/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lQhfVfLvFo

This film was such a mess and made no sense at all, theres a stalker outside and that's it never seen again?
Two girls just disappear off camera?
The girl films for days but only does 1 prank?
She also tells the girls shes been filming the whole time... bedrooms and all, and no ones pissed off at their invasion of privacy?
Oh and that scream at 0:59 in the trailer, was her alone in the hallway being menaced by some ghostly force and then she just walks back into the living room like nothing had happened? It's like half the movie is missing!!!
I like how 4 girls alone will decide to play spin the bottle and dare each other to kiss or strip? Is this what girls really do alone Takoma? :D


Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:20 am
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Rumpled wrote:
I like how 4 girls alone will decide to play spin the bottle and dare each other to kiss or strip? Is this what girls really do alone Takoma? :D


Kiss, maybe. Strip, yes. But what I imagine writer/director James Simpson didn't get correct is that it all ends with watching an episode of British Bake-Off or Parks and Rec or possibly by baking an apple pie in a cast iron pan because it's the only reasonably pie-shaped vessel in the kitchen.

You know, or whatever.

I very much like how in the photo you posted from Surveillance the man does not know how to use a gun, and instead of shooting the woman he is trying to kill her by simply pushing it through her face.


Wed Dec 05, 2018 12:01 pm
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Takoma1 wrote:
I very much like how in the photo you posted from Surveillance the man does not know how to use a gun, and instead of shooting the woman he is trying to kill her by simply pushing it through her face.


I think it's a phallic thing?


Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:28 am
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76th
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Edmond
(2005)

A man in a suit at a Manhattan firm leaves work on Friday; he looks unhappy. He stops at a fortune teller's for a Tarot reading: "You are not where you belong," she tells him. That evening he quits his marriage and walks the streets of New York, passing from a classy bar to a gentleman's club, then to a high-class bordello, a mugging, a pawnshop, and a diner where someone does listen. He shares his insights with her and later with others. Violence, disappointment, and musings entwine as Edmond loses his moorings while believing he's found them. Where does he belong?
4/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVkLqcqmGk

A bit like Michael Douglas's Falling Down but without the funny!!!


Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:35 am
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75th
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The Cleanse
(2016)

A heartbroken man attends a spiritual retreat to cleanse himself and fix his broken life. There he meets a fellow lost soul, and together they discover that "the cleanse" releases more than everyday toxins...a lot more.
4/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zV2OTXpnFwQ

Just watch The Lobster (2015)... way better


Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:58 am
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74th
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The Torture Club
(2014)

The movie is at a torture club within a prestigious female high school; Right after Yuzuki Muto (Noriko Kijima) entered school, she becomes a member of the Torture Club. The club trains students secretly to enter military and police fields as interrogation experts. Senior student Aoi Funaki (Haruna Yoshizumi), who is a member of the club, tortures members including Yuzuki Muto.
4/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRtdQMtF2ik&t=33s

Despite my love for pervy movies, i'm not really into bondagey ones :(


Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:11 am
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73rd
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Your Move
(2017)

Businessman David witnesses his wife and daughter being kidnapped when he is on a video call with them during their trip to Mexico. Since David finds the police's procedures to be slow, he takes matters into his own hands to find out what happened to his family and to get revenge.
4/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcghyQ-pjKY

This doesn't deserve the 10 stars that people have given this movie. I rented it because of the reviews. It was poor quality of filming and hard to understand what was being said. All the 10 star reviews look like they were written by the same person. - IMDB

Lol :D it's true i just looked at the big ratings and are strangely familar :P = https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3499176/re ... ef_=tt_urv


Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:39 am
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72nd
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Trespass
(1992)

Two Arkansas firemen, Vince and Don, get hold of a map that leads to a cache of stolen gold in an abandoned factory in East St. Louis. What they don't know is that the factory is in the turf of a local gang, who come by to execute one of their enemies. Vince sees the shooting, the gang spots Vince, and extended mayhem ensues. As Vince and Don try to escape, gang leader King James argues with his subordinate Savon about how to get rid of the trespassers.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KZbRGE7-4c

Too much talking, but the black dude (above) was hilarious ;)


Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:44 am
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71st
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Outlaw King
(2018)

After being declared "Outlaw" by the occupying English Empire, Robert the Bruce (Chris Pine) raises an army of Scottish fighters in rebellion. Twists and turns all across the Scottish countryside lead this film on an epic, "true to historical events", journey that captures heroism at its core!
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-G1BME8FKw

A sequel to Braveheart and equally as corny and historically inaccurate... like the dramatic Robert the Bruce vs Prince Edward sword fight in the middle of the battle where robert wins and spares edward and lets him crawl back crying like a pussy to his men?
Well guess what... Prince Edward wasn't even there :roll: :D

And the good old tradition of villifying medieval england with baby tossing english soldiers (it's at 59 minutes listen out for the cry and thud as it hits the barn door) :D

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Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:14 am
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70th
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The Scorpion King: Book of Souls
(2018)

The Scorpion King teams up with a female warrior named Tala, who is the sister of The Nubian King. Together they search for a legendary relic known as The Book of Souls, which will allow them to put an end to an evil warlord.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anvnDpxWyJc

"I work as extra on this movie and i a horse rider and a dubble"
- youtube
"Good thing you didn't have any lines to read cause, you can't spell worth a shit" - youtube :D


Thu Dec 06, 2018 11:08 pm
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69th
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Page Eight
(2011)

Johnny Worricker (Bill Nighy) is a long-serving MI5 officer. His boss and best friend Benedict Baron (Michael Gambon) dies suddenly, leaving behind him an inexplicable file, threatening the stability of the organization. Meanwhile, a seemingly chance encounter with Johnny's striking next-door neighbor and political activist Nancy Pierpan (Rachel Weisz) seems too good to be true. Johnny is forced to walk out of his job, and then out of his identity to find out the truth. Set in London and Cambridge, PAGE EIGHT is a contemporary spy film for the BBC, which addresses intelligence issues and moral dilemmas peculiar to the new century.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1hGHdPVXlE

A bit to talky, but it does however star the minister of magic, dumbledor and voldemort ;)


Thu Dec 06, 2018 11:17 pm
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68th
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Bon Cop Bad Cop
(2006)

When the body of the executive of hockey Benoit Brisset is found on the billboard of the border of Quebec and Ontario, the jurisdiction of the crime is shared between the two police forces and detectives David Bouchard from Montreal and Martin Ward from Toronto are assigned to work together. With totally different styles, attitudes and languages, the reckless David and the ethical Martin join force to disclose the identity of the Tattoo Killer, a deranged serial-killer that is killing managers of hockey.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxMuCyzXgC4

One of those mismatched comedies, unfortunately the gags just don't work... maybe it's a quebec thing?


Thu Dec 06, 2018 11:25 pm
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Rumpled wrote:
One of those mismatched comedies, unfortunately the gags just don't work... maybe it's a quebec thing?


Not sure if it's a Quebec or Canada thing, but I guess it's something like that. It was the highest grossing movie here in Quebec for quite a while. People loved it.


Fri Dec 07, 2018 10:49 pm
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67th
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Ring of Curse
(2011)

Yuka had the most horrifying experience of her life a year ago. Her high school classmate, Kurohane, is blessed with unparalleled literary talent, but she is bullied because of her eerie appearance. When Kurohane starts writing the script for a school play, inexplicable deaths start to occur, sparking a wave of panic among the terrified students. It turns out that Kurohane's script contains a curse to kill the readers indiscriminately. Can Yuka and her classmates escape Kurohane's avenging curse?
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Im_eh5oThZc

You'd think they'd move on from the crazy hair girl by now :roll:


Sat Dec 08, 2018 9:29 am
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With some tweaking, Bon Cop Bad Cop doesn't seem that far removed from Rush Hour or Lethal Weapon.


Sat Dec 08, 2018 9:39 am
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66th
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The House of Seven Corpses
(1974)

A director is filming on location in a house where seven murders were committed. The caretaker warns them not to mess with things they do not understand (the murders were occult related), but the director wants to be as authentic as possible and has his cast re-enact rituals that took place in the house thus summoning a ghoul from the nearby cemetery to bump the whole film crew off one by one.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEjzOBcd1jA
Watch it free in HD on youtube = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25AOni7j2KY

Captain Terror :up:


Sat Dec 08, 2018 9:39 am
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65th
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Suspect Zero
(2004)

When Dallas FBI Agent Thomas Mackelway violates serial killer Raymond Starkey's civil rights during an unorthodox arrest, Starkey goes free and Mackelway is demoted to a remote branch of the agency in Albuquerque. His first day on the job, Mackelway investigates the murder of traveling salesman Harold Speck, which turns out to be the first of three seemingly random killings. Perhaps they are not random at all. The last to die is Mackelway's nemesis, Raymond Starkey. The assignment consumes him, his past mistakes haunt him, and his head throbs constantly as he tries to find the link between the victims that will lead him to their killer while the case becomes increasingly gruesome and patently personal. This does not go unnoticed by his unflappable partner Fran Kulok, who knows of Mackelway's past and the demons that afflict him. Like Mackelway, she becomes drawn into the labyrinth of chilling clues, all of which point to the enigmatic Benjamin O'Ryan.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT2YJUE0IM4

Tom Cruise was one of the producers but had his name uncredited just before release :D


Sat Dec 08, 2018 10:45 am
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64th
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Buyer Beware
(2018)

Charlie, a young ambitious property agent joins a successful agency run by wealthy couple, Gordon and Lucy. He soon learns the secrets behind the agency's success; they specialise in buying up dirt cheap properties after someone has died or been murdered in them, sells them at a higher price without disclosing to the new owners the horrifying truth. Ethical dilemmas soon subside as Charlie enjoys the windfall he makes from every sale. Charlie shrugs off buyers who complain about supernatural happenings and the nightmare they have to endure and continues to basks in his opulent lifestyle. It was not until one of his clients succumbs to the tragic hauntings that he decides to reveal the horrible secrets of his agency.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=On6fASYMxxM

Started off fine but like all chinese horrors lately.. it just ended up a mess :down:


Sat Dec 08, 2018 10:56 am
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Rumpled wrote:
Started off fine but like all chinese horrors lately.. it just ended up a mess :down:


Maybe it's because they don't have much practice with the censorship. Have you seen Dream Home from 2010?


Sat Dec 08, 2018 11:15 am
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Rumpled wrote:
65th
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Suspect Zero
(2004)

When Dallas FBI Agent Thomas Mackelway violates serial killer Raymond Starkey's civil rights during an unorthodox arrest, Starkey goes free and Mackelway is demoted to a remote branch of the agency in Albuquerque. His first day on the job, Mackelway investigates the murder of traveling salesman Harold Speck, which turns out to be the first of three seemingly random killings. Perhaps they are not random at all. The last to die is Mackelway's nemesis, Raymond Starkey. The assignment consumes him, his past mistakes haunt him, and his head throbs constantly as he tries to find the link between the victims that will lead him to their killer while the case becomes increasingly gruesome and patently personal. This does not go unnoticed by his unflappable partner Fran Kulok, who knows of Mackelway's past and the demons that afflict him. Like Mackelway, she becomes drawn into the labyrinth of chilling clues, all of which point to the enigmatic Benjamin O'Ryan.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT2YJUE0IM4

Tom Cruise was one of the producers but had his name uncredited just before release :D


I think a 5/10 is pretty generous. I thought this one was a real mess.


Sat Dec 08, 2018 11:17 am
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Charles wrote:

Maybe it's because they don't have much practice with the censorship. Have you seen Dream Home from 2010?


If it's the one with a disturbing pregnant woman vacuum cleaner death... then yes


Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:35 pm
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Rumpled wrote:
66th
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The House of Seven Corpses
(1974)

A director is filming on location in a house where seven murders were committed. The caretaker warns them not to mess with things they do not understand (the murders were occult related), but the director wants to be as authentic as possible and has his cast re-enact rituals that took place in the house thus summoning a ghoul from the nearby cemetery to bump the whole film crew off one by one.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEjzOBcd1jA
Watch it free in HD on youtube = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25AOni7j2KY

Captain Terror :up:

I thought this was pretty slow.


Sun Dec 09, 2018 1:36 am
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Post Re: Films i Saw Last Month From Crappiest to Greatest

Wooley wrote:
I thought this was pretty slow.


Exactly why Captain Terror will love it and we don't :P


Sun Dec 09, 2018 8:17 am
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Rumpled wrote:

Exactly why Captain Terror will love it and we don't :P

I watched it last year and remember absolutely zilch about it, even after watching the trailer just now. But I did give it 3-1/2 Letterboxd stars, which means that yes, I did indeed like it. :P

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Sun Dec 09, 2018 8:29 am
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