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 Films i Saw Last Month From Crappiest to Greatest 
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107th
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Plump Fiction (1997)
Four stories intersect in this violent film parody. Exterminators dress as hit men and try to protect the wife of their boss, Montello. Meanwhile, the strippers at Montello's strip club, dressed as nuns, attempt to rob him. Tag-team wrestlers steal Montello's briefcase, thinking its contents are valuable. Finally, Bumpkin, running to deliver a script, loses a lot of the pages.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9qlSSOLNIg

The whole Reservoir Nuns gag was one of the worst things I've ever seen. It's just a bunch of people in nun outfits cursing. For ten minutes. - IMDB


Mon Apr 02, 2018 7:44 pm
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106th
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Quarantine (2008)
A television reporter and her cameraman are assigned to spend the night shift with a Los Angeles Fire Station. After a routine 911 call takes them to a small apartment building, they find police officers already on the scene in response to blood curdling screams coming from one of the apartment units. They soon learn that a woman living in the building has been infected by something unknown. After a few of the residents are viciously attacked, they try to escape with the news crew in tow, only to find that the CDC has quarantined the building. Phones, internet, televisions and cell phone access have been cut-off, and officials are not relaying information to those locked inside. When the quarantine is finally lifted, the only evidence of what took place is the news crew's videotape.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mF38xlsEEfs

Quarantine is the worst horror movie I ever seen in my life. and what does the fire department have to do with screaming people!!! - IMDB


Tue Apr 03, 2018 4:07 am
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105th
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Senior Trip (1995)
While on detention, a group of misfits and slackers have to write a letter to the President explaining what is wrong with the education system. There is only one problem, the President loves it! Hence, the group must travel to Washington to meet the Main Man.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjVp8KKxNFg

Wanda and Reggie discuss a crossover between horror icons Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees. This eventually happened in Freddy vs Jason (2003). - Trivia

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Tue Apr 03, 2018 4:17 am
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104th
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Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)
After the Kingsman headquarters are blown up by a psychotic criminal named Poppy Adams, the surviving agents find their way to an allied secret organisation based in Kentucky, named Statesman. The two agencies must now work together in order to save the world and take down the so called 'Golden Circle'.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WmUbiMHeSE

Taron Egerton declined to shoot the graphic scene where Eggsy has to plant a tracking device inside the villain's girlfriend. The hand seen getting intimate with actress Poppy Delevingne actually belongs to her husband. - Trivia


Tue Apr 03, 2018 4:30 am
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103rd
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Hard Rock Nightmare (1988)
A child is convinced his grandfather is a monster and kills him. Years later he returns with his friends to the sight of the killing. It appears to be his grandfather's revenge as one by one his friends are brutally murdered.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26Gk_InidAw

It did have some cheesey goodness though


Tue Apr 03, 2018 4:52 am
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The Foreigner (2017)
The story of humble London businessman Quan (Chan), whose long-buried past erupts in a revenge-fueled vendetta when the only person left for him to love - his teenage daughter - is taken from him in a senseless act of politically-motivated terrorism. In his relentless search for the identity of the terrorists, Quan is forced into a cat- and-mouse conflict with a Irish government official (Brosnan), whose own past may hold clues to the identities of the elusive killers.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om9YCk7ufHs

The filming in London of a scene involving the explosion of a bus on Lambeth Bridge caused widespread alarm, as people were not aware that it was a stunt. - Trivia


Tue Apr 03, 2018 4:59 am
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Mother (2017)
Amidst a wild flat meadow encircled by an Edenic lush forest, a couple have cocooned themselves in a secluded mansion that was not so long ago burned to the ground, devotedly restored by the supportive wife. Within this safe environment, the once famous middle-aged poet husband is desirous of creating his magnum opus; however, he seems unable to break out of the persistent creative rut that haunts him. Then, unexpectedly, a knock at the door, the sudden arrival of a cryptic late-night visitor and his intrusive wife will stimulate the writer's stagnant imagination. Little by little, much to the perplexed wife's surprise, the more chaos he lets in their haven, the better for his punctured male ego. In the end, will this incremental mess blemish, irreparably, the couple's inviolable sanctuary?
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om9YCk7ufHs

I'm trying to see the film from Aronofsky's point of view, but i can't stick my head that far up my ass - youtube :D


Tue Apr 03, 2018 5:12 am
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Jingle All the Way is the Booster of Christmas movies. Or was it Christmas with the Kranks.

I suspect Janson might snap at your grade of mother! in 3-2-1...


Tue Apr 03, 2018 8:16 am
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I only hope that Hard Rock Nightmare is more eleven than Rock and Roll Nightmare.


Tue Apr 03, 2018 11:10 am
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Apex Predator wrote:
Jingle All the Way is the Booster of Christmas movies. Or was it Christmas with the Kranks.

I suspect Janson might snap at your grade of mother! in 3-2-1...


Phew i got away with it :shifty:


Tue Apr 03, 2018 7:03 pm
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Jinnistan wrote:
I only hope that Hard Rock Nightmare is more eleven than Rock and Roll Nightmare.


That and Black Roses are on my radar


Tue Apr 03, 2018 7:03 pm
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100th
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Scanners II: The New Order (2017)
Good and evil scanners combatting when a crooked politician schemes to gain control of a major city. Scanners are people who, because their mothers had taken a certain drug during pregnancy, have acquired telepathic powers. One scanner escapes from a mental center and is hired by the politician to use his powers to gain control of others minds, and then, their actions.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ELeGkWhowg

The franchise has a total of four sequels now and if that's not enough to make your head explode, I don't know what will. - IMDB


Tue Apr 03, 2018 7:21 pm
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99th
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The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)
In the near future, there is an energy crisis on Earth. The Cloverfield Station with a multinational crew will test the Shepard particle accelerator expecting to generate energy for all countries solving the energy problem. However, the experiment goes wrong, damages the station and opens a portal to another dimension with a parallel Earth. They also find a woman entwined with wires behind a bulkhead of the station and they learn she worked in an identical Cloverfield Station in another dimension. Now the scientists need to find a way to return to their own dimension.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrxBaaINseI

The truth is that The Cloverfield Paradox can already be considered one of the most pitiful artistic fiascos of 2018 - IMDB


Tue Apr 03, 2018 7:33 pm
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98th
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The Snowman (2017)
When an elite crime squad's lead detective investigates the disappearance of a victim on the first snow of winter, he fears an elusive serial killer may be active again. With the help of a brilliant recruit, the cop must connect decades-old cold cases to the brutal new one if he hopes to outwit this unthinkable evil before the next snowfall.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BF2Ksrxu_QY

Many scenes from the trailer (explosion, bear trap, Snowman letters) are not shown in the final cut. - IMDB


Tue Apr 03, 2018 7:45 pm
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97th
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Trial By Terror(1983)
A couple moves into a new home and find success and happiness, but soon their dream becomes a nightmare when they hear chilling voices in the night, vandalous attacks and a faceless, nameless menace threatens to destroy them. The law won't help, and when an intruder is shot and killed, their ordeal has just begun.
5/10

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A most misleading poster as it's a tv drama about race relations


Tue Apr 03, 2018 7:58 pm
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96th
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Murder on the Orient Express (2017)
Hercule Poirot, the best detective in the world decides to leave on the Orient Express. The train accidentally gets stopped because of a small avalanche. Little did he know that a murder was planned and that a person on this train was able of committing such crime. Will he solve this murder before the train starts working again?
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq4m3yAoW8E

AKA The Curse of Robert the Doll


Tue Apr 03, 2018 8:05 pm
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95th
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Top Sensation (1969)
Attempting to cure her mentally handicapped son's virginity, his mother and several friends embark on a cruise which strands them on nearly deserted island where lust and murder are on the menu!
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gihzKpZCxE0

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I think i just had a Top Sensation in my pants :shock:


Tue Apr 03, 2018 8:14 pm
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94th
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Van Wilder: Freshman Year (2009)
Van Wilder starts his freshman year at Coolidge College and embarks on an adventure to land the campus hottie and liberate his school from sexual oppression and party dysfunction.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQwUvIMrLMw

This movie was just sooo bad. It's soft core porn bordering hard core mixed with bad acting, a stupid plotline, a terrible message and a helluva lot of flaws. It was also incredibly offensive to women as well as members of the military. - youtube


Tue Apr 03, 2018 8:26 pm
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The Gateway (2018)
Jane Chandler and her partner Regg are particle physicists. They are a small outfit, privately funded – in a quest to unlock the secrets of teleportation (the central conceit brings to mind Cronenberg’s The Fly). They have a breakthrough involving potential communication from another dimension (their machines don’t teleport to the other chamber – they teleport to a parallel universe). When Jane’s husband Matt tragically dies, her grief pushes her to make some irresponsible choices involving her work – resulting in renewed quality time with another version of her husband. But as you can expect, – “If it seems to good to be true, it probably is”.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScxCptxyqDg

An abusive husband travels dimensions to beat his wife a second time. - letterboxd


Tue Apr 03, 2018 8:37 pm
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92nd
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The Aura (2005)
In Buenos Aires, the epileptic taxidermist Esteban Espinosa is a painstaking man that likes to plot the perfect heist. When his wife leaves him, he accepts the invitation of his friend Sontag to hunt in a forest. They rent a cabin owned by Diana Dietrich and her husband Carlos Dietrich but soon they have an argument and Sontag returns to Buenos Aires. Esteban stays alone and while hunting a deer, he accidentally kills Dietrich near a shed. Esteban opens the shed and finds a plan for the heist of an armored truck. When he returns to the cabin, he stumbles with the criminals Sosa and Montero that are seeking out Dietrich. Now Esteban has the chance to execute the perfect crime he has dreamt on.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw3lZzTy5QE

Typical foreign language film trailer for america. Made with an american voice over and featuring no hints at its foreign language at all so it appears its an american film. - youtube


Tue Apr 03, 2018 8:45 pm
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91st
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Gunhed (1989)
Brooklyn's smuggling companions are slaughtered, sometimes violently, one by one as they wantonly defy the security systems of the Kyron-5. Babe falls into a vat of green liquid and becomes a cybernetic antagonist. Brooklyn is placed under arrest by Sergeant Nim, who suggests they follow surviving children Seven and Eleven. The Kyron-5 declared war on humanity, and killed most of those living on the island. Brooklyn, a mechanic, must overcome his fear of cockpits and command the Gun UNit/Heavy Elimination Device to the heart of the Kyron-5.
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKyVhCVcDfQ

Gunhed's cockpit features a cash register keyboard. Legible keys include "SUB TOTAL" and "CHANGE." "NO SALE" is visible on the panel. :D lmao Now i'm gonna have to watch it again!!!


Tue Apr 03, 2018 8:51 pm
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90th
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Full Moon High (1981)
A teenager who goes on a trip to Transylvania with his father and gets bitten by a werewolf. Made ageless, he attempts to put his life back together a couple of decades later by enrolling in high school. He tries to keep his secret from the school and his girlfriend. He also ignores his girlfriend's sexual advances because it is his "time of the month."
5/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evgJZGx72Mc

I learned something new today: Larry Cohen is not funny. I mean, he’s funnier than bedsores, maybe a little bit funnier than scurvy or gum infections or a grease fire in the kitchen, but that’s really about it.
- 100misspenthours.com


Tue Apr 03, 2018 9:10 pm
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Vegas Vacation (1997)
When Clark Griswold puts his mind to something, we soon realize he hasn't got one. Still, nothing stops him when the vacation bug hits. This time, he's chosen Las Vegas, the new family entertainment capital of America! Chevy Chase returns as bubbly, bumbling Clark in Vegas Vacation, a jokers-are-wild laugh fest including two other stars from past Vacations. Beverly D'Angelo is back as wife Ellen, doting on the guy she calls "Sparky," and Randy Quaid again delights as grubby goof ball Cousin Eddie. Ethan Embry (That Thing You Do!) and screen-debuting Marisol Nichols are Griswold teens who love the round-the-clock nightlife - as long as they don't share it with Mom and Dad! From Seigfried and Roy's extravaganza to a Hoover Dam tour, from cruising to losing (Wallace Shawn as a shifty blackjack dealer) to amorous crooning (Wayne Newton falls for Ellen): watch Clark try to keep family and wallet together!
6/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft4m1wA1_48

The crazy directions the receptionist gives the Griswolds to their rooms are accurate of the Mirage Casino. - IMDB


Tue Apr 03, 2018 9:19 pm
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88th
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Annihilation (2018)
A biologist's husband disappears. She puts her name forward for an expedition into an environmental disaster zone, but does not find what she's expecting. The expedition team is made up of the biologist, an anthropologist, a psychologist, a surveyor, and a linguist.
6/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft4m1wA1_48

The doppelganger scene was such a rip off of Tomb Raider 1 :x = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzsbTl5o0gA


Tue Apr 03, 2018 9:39 pm
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Blade (1973)
Dependable character actor John Marley is afforded a rare starring role in Blade. Marley plays the title character, a world-weary private eye currently working on a murder case as a favor for a friend. The victim was the daughter of prominent conservative politico William Prince, whom Blade "knew when." While hunting for clues, Blade is bombarded by one disillusionment after another. The prime suspect turns out to be someone very, very close to Prince-who may have thought that, by eliminating his daughter, he was doing Prince an enormous favor.
6/10
Trailer = No trailer but you can always listen to Morgan with a white italians voice at 0:19:28 :P = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD3Hi0Kcf7w

Also starring Golden Girl Blanche :P

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Tue Apr 03, 2018 9:53 pm
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86th
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Bullet Head (2017)
After a heist gone tragically wrong, three career criminals find themselves trapped in a warehouse with the law closing in. But, inside the warehouse, a more dangerous threat awaits-as the fugitives are plunged into a furious battle for their lives.
6/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym_SB86o3Rg

Before acting Adrien Brody used to perform magic shows at children's birthdays as the Amazing Adrien. - Trivia :D


Tue Apr 03, 2018 10:23 pm
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85th
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Trucks (1997)
A small town truck stop is taken over by driver-less trucks. Possibly caused by a toxic spill in the city. After the trucks cause numerous deaths, the remaining survivors (two teens, their fathers, and another lady citizen) are forced to escape the truck stop. They find it's very difficult to out-smart the trucks.
6/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON9cEUJVMcY

This is what I mark as the worst movie I've ever seen, and I've seen Jaws 4!!! - youtube

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Tue Apr 03, 2018 10:38 pm
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84th
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Downsizing (2017)
"Downsizing" follows a kindly occupational therapist who undergoes a new procedure to be shrunken to five inches tall so that he and his wife can help save the planet and afford a nice lifestyle at the same time.
6/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCrBICYM0yM

Very strange movie, after the first 30 minutes it changes into a completely different film?


Tue Apr 03, 2018 10:51 pm
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83rd
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Enter Nowhere (2011)
Three strangers arrive one by one to a mysterious cabin in the middle of nowhere after enduring separate life-altering predicaments. Searching for a way out of the woods, frustrated, hungry and battling to stay warm they discover their mysterious connection and realize what they have to do in order to get out of the woods alive.
6/10
Spoilerific Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHqLD0AgfsA

My god Scott Eastwood *below* don't half look like his dad :shock:

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Tue Apr 03, 2018 11:05 pm
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82nd
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Bed of the Dead (2016)
Four twentysomethings find themselves stuck on a haunted antique bed where leaving means suffering a gruesome death. Plagued with frightening hallucinations, they must figure out the bed's secrets before they are ultimately picked off one by one.
6/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0siNTx_bzq4

Perhaps the most impressive thing about "Bed of the Dead" is the fact that the story is told with a straight face, and actually succeeds in pulling that off. - IMDB


Tue Apr 03, 2018 11:15 pm
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Dunkirk (2017)
Evacuation of Allied soldiers from the British Empire, and France, who were cut off and surrounded by the German army from the beaches and harbor of Dunkirk, France, between May 26- June 04, 1940, during Battle of France in World War II.
6/10
Trailer = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-eMt3SrfFU

This is the LOUDEST movie I have ever watched. The plane noise was like WRRRRRR!!!! - youtube :D


Tue Apr 03, 2018 11:23 pm
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Rump wrote:
I think i just had a Top Sensation in my pants :shock:

Any film with both Edwige Fenech and Rosalba Neri cannot be boring.


Tue Apr 03, 2018 11:37 pm
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Jinnistan wrote:
Any film with both Edwige Fenech and Rosalba Neri cannot be boring.


The third girl was pretty awesome too ;)


Tue Apr 03, 2018 11:42 pm
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So Bed of the Dead is better than Mother? Noted.

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Tue Apr 03, 2018 11:45 pm
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Captain Terror wrote:
So Bed of the Dead is better than Mother? Noted.


:up: Yep and all the other 100 i put before it, which you'll no doubt take a swipe at ;)


Wed Apr 04, 2018 12:28 am
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Where do you find this shit? I never heard of half of them.

You have a stronger stomach than I do, that's for sure.

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By the time we got to Woodstock we were half a million strong
And everywhere was a song and a celebration
And I dreamed I saw the bomber death planes riding shotgun in the sky
Turning into butterflies above our nation


Wed Apr 04, 2018 1:23 am
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Captain Terror wrote:
So Bed of the Dead is better than Mother? Noted.


More notably, Vegas Vacation is better than Mother. :rotten:

Hey, remember when they desperately try to win money in pathetic games of chance? Or when they waited on that poor guy with the keno ticket for what seems to be forever? Or how the older son made like a gangster and the younger daughter played the world's tamest showgirl?

I guess what I'm saying is that Vegas Vacation is no Death to Smoochy.


Wed Apr 04, 2018 2:08 am
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Apex Predator wrote:

More notably, Vegas Vacation is better than Mother. :rotten:

Hey, remember when they desperately try to win money in pathetic games of chance? Or when they waited on that poor guy with the keno ticket for what seems to be forever? Or how the older son made like a gangster and the younger daughter played the world's tamest showgirl?

I guess what I'm saying is that Vegas Vacation is no Death to Smoochy.


Hey, remember when people had free speech, plus i can't remember everything about each movie... but mother was rather pompous


Wed Apr 04, 2018 2:18 am
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Morgan Freeman was in Blade? I always thought Wesley Snipes was in it. Weird.

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Wed Apr 04, 2018 2:25 am
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Aw, Dunkirk's only a 6? It was my favorite movie of 2017...

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Wed Apr 04, 2018 3:09 am
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^I need to know who this is. Thanks.

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Wed Apr 04, 2018 11:06 am
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Rump wrote:
The third girl was pretty awesome too ;)

Eva Thulin? Is she related to Ingrid? I'm not familiar with her.

Rump wrote:
but mother was rather pompous

Yeah, she was, like, talking back and all kinds of stuck-up shit.


Wed Apr 04, 2018 11:53 am
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Captain Terror wrote:
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^I need to know who this is. Thanks.


Natalya Varley?


Wed Apr 04, 2018 4:55 pm
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eri nitta wrote:

Natalya Varley?

Ah, Viy! Thanks, I haven't seen that one yet.

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Wed Apr 04, 2018 8:15 pm
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Rump wrote:

Hey, remember when people had free speech, plus i can't remember everything about each movie... but mother was rather pompous


Sure, sure.

I'm just joshing you, Rump. I get that films = art and all that. I'm also kind of weird in the sense that I've defended The (1998) Avengers elsewhere and thought Catwoman was OK.

As for mother! being pompous, hadn't seen it. I am more likely to than not. But I wouldn't necessarily be surprised if it was.

EDIT: When you get done, I have five months worth of best and worst lists that I've been waiting to reveal. You may like some of these! ;)


Thu Apr 05, 2018 2:42 am
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I'm sincerely sorry for my jokes in this thread. I'll bow gracefully out of this and let you finish. Don't let me or anybody else ruin your fun, Rumpled.


Tue Apr 10, 2018 8:41 am
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Um... what are we waiting for here?


Tue Apr 10, 2018 12:09 pm
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Wooley wrote:
Um... what are we waiting for here?



Rump to awaken from his alcohol-induced coma

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By the time we got to Woodstock we were half a million strong
And everywhere was a song and a celebration
And I dreamed I saw the bomber death planes riding shotgun in the sky
Turning into butterflies above our nation


Tue Apr 10, 2018 12:41 pm
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Death Proof wrote:


Rump to awaken from his alcohol-induced coma

Oh, ok.


Wed Apr 11, 2018 1:44 pm
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Wooley wrote:
Um... what are we waiting for here?



I've finally got the internet proper today, and i'm now replacing all the photo's i've just noticed that have gone missing?


Sat Apr 14, 2018 3:07 am
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