Guessing Movies Wrong with crumbsroom

[Popcorn Reviews]

Creepshow 2? Idk.

[crumbsroom]

[crumbsroom]

[Torgo]

Blue Thunder?

[Rock]

Phase IV?

[Rock]

The Gore Gore Girls?

[Death Proof]

No chainsaws. All bungee cords.

Can I throw midgets at him?

[Popcorn Reviews]

Oh no, I don't want to be in last place! It's on, DP!

[crumbsroom]

Oh no, I don't want to be in last place! It's on, DP!

Well, in fairness, last place is shared by all the nerds who haven't even scored a point

But let's not even speak of such creatures

[Ergill]

Mirror (?)

[crumbsroom]

Mirror (?)

Yup

[Takoma1]

Headless Eyes

[crumbsroom]

Headless Eyes

Bing!

[Apex Predator]

Final Destination 5?

[crumbsroom]

Headless Eyes

And available for free on YouTube.

Lucky everybody!

lol

[Jinnistan]

Birth of a Nathan

[crumbsroom]

Everybody should watch Headless Eyes.

Well, probably not everybody.

Or most people.

But seriously, everybody should watch Headless Eyes.

[Torgo]

3 Points

Dead End Drive-In

[crumbsroom]

FEMALE VAMPIRE

[crumbsroom]

BURNT OFFERINGS

[crumbsroom]

[crumbsroom]

[Captain Terror]

Burnt Offerings!

[Apex Predator]

Burnt Offerings?

[crumbsroom]

[Apex Predator]

I Spit on Your Grave (original?)

[crumbsroom]

[crumbsroom]

HEROIN BUSTERS

[crumbsroom]

Dead End Drive In yup
Burnt Offerings yup

[crumbsroom]

No one should watch Headless Eyes

I want it all for myself

[Apex Predator]

Kommissar X: Drei Grune Hunde?

[Captain Terror]

No one should watch Headless Eyes

I want it all for myself

I briefly skimmed through it the other day and I think you're safe.

[crumbsroom]

I briefly skimmed through it the other day and I think you're safe.

All miiiiinee!

[Death Proof]

Children of the Damned

[crumbsroom]

6 points

[Rock]

The Italian Connection

[Rock]

Female Vampire

[Rock]

The Heroin Busters

[Rock]

Benny's Video

[crumbsroom]

Bingo for Heroin Busters and Female Vampire

[Torgo]

The Small Back Room?

[Captain Terror]

Ivan's Childhood

[crumbsroom]

This is just another still from Headless Eyes. Do NOT guess. No points available here. Unless you watch the entirity of the actual movie, and write a full length movie review here. 500 words minimum. 10 points available for those who have nothing better going on in their lives. 15 for those who actually like it.

[Jinnistan]

Headless Eyes - 4.79/10

What an ocular nightmare. It took me five bottles of Visine just to endure the first twenty minutes. Despite the conjunctivivial tomfoolery, I have to admit, I hated every rancid second of this piece of shit. What the fuck have you done? Placing all of our collective sensitive retinas to be engorged on this precipitous ass-fetish of filth. (Off topic, but a Wiki spell check for "engorged" brings up "clitoral erection" on the first hit, which is just sick, almost as sick as this filthy piece of motion picture.) I'm so disgusted right now, I'm too dry to spit. I want the taste out of my mouth, the vile visage out of my eyes, scrubbed off of my brain. But like Confucius said, there are sights that you can't unsee. And like Confucius, there is not enough spunk in my valves to eradicate the memory of this pus-riddled pestilent propaganda of preversion. I think that's a hundred.

Sure, Kent Bateman (if that is his real name), owes the world for his irresponsible spawning of the likes of two medium attractive Eighties television child actors. That would be oh so horrible enough. Now this. This! Why can't we have nice motion pictures? You know what's a good motion picture? Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia. That motion picture is so good in fact that even our own Stu is under the narcotic impression that he was the first person to ever have seen it. Like all young innocents, this evangelical urge to pronounce and testify, ye!, even be inspired to attempt to establish his own sanctioned congregation in the good news of Sam's revelation is neither sttrange nor precarious. In fact, it is scientific destiny. What, perchance, is the scientific destiny of this motion picture known in these filthy Toronto alleys as The Headless Eyes? The answer, so very elementary and punctual, is the same chemically corrupted compost that is the natural justice for so much rotgut and vinegar.

Let's talk about spoons for a second. This film isn't even good enough for quality cutlery. I have a well-educated suspicion that these were actually silver painted sporks, and most likely the very same silver paint that threatened the life of god damn Barnaby Jones. That's just how toxic this shitty ratrag of a motion picture this is. Do you kiss your mother with this motion picture? I doubt she has the time or patience to let you try. There's not enough pure grain listerine to wash the foul stench of this scum-scathing disease from your face. And now it's on mine. Thanks. Like some penny-ante who-ah spreading your stinky crease for all who dare stand the stench of it. I feel raped by this motion picture. Sure, I went on the date. I was dressed for sleazy entertainment. Freeballing ike a prancing fool, I had no protection. This is my sin and I apologize to no one. But do I, does anyone of any degree of moral destitution, deserve such a dickstab of a motion picture as this? I implore you.

I wish I could think of the children. But can I bare to turn this sullied face to them, watch their benelovent naivete turn sour as they cannot fail to register the lingering perfidy practically dripping from these soiled, suffering eyes? They won't understand, but deep down, they will know the knowledge of something so terrible and trembling. God help them, they will carry this unspoken, unformed fear with confusion and unrest. And the only cure for their vague sinister apprehension will be to, somehow (presuming that a wiser future will not have eradicated every last print), they happen to stumble upon this motion picture, perhaps by carelessly scrolling through some shadowy message board populated by skeevy dweebs, and suddenly, oh so awfully, realizing the terror for themselves. At least, the very very least, it might bring some closure to their haunted troubled psyches. This is the curse that you have damned upon us.

Why? What hideous urge were you trying to fulfill? What sickness of soul compels you so? Are we not suffering enough? Have we not traversed to valleys of wretched despair only to arrive at this wicked oasis of slime? Are there even enough rocks left in your scarred shriveled sac to make any of this worth your while? Or is it all just for the scorched charcoal chuckles that you have left to choke up? What cancer would be good enough for you? What debilitating disfigurement could convince you of your misplaced vanity? What Canadian television hellscape could be sufficient to contain your putrid dissolution? Sir? I won't have it. I'm sick of the sight of it. I shit at ease at the thought of your eventual demise by your unsatisfied sexbot. I rue the thought that your name will live on as a cautionary legend of internet stupor. Gimme my goddamn ten points.

[crumbsroom]

Headless Eyes - 4.79/10

What an ocular nightmare. It took me five bottles of Visine just to endure the first twenty minutes. Despite the conjunctivivial tomfoolery, I have to admit, I hated every rancid second of this piece of shit. What the fuck have you done? Placing all of our collective sensitive retinas to be engorged on this precipitous ass-fetish of filth. (Off topic, but a Wiki spell check for "engorged" brings up "clitoral erection" on the first hit, which is just sick, almost as sick as this filthy piece of motion picture.) I'm so disgusted right now, I'm too dry to spit. I want the taste out of my mouth, the vile visage out of my eyes, scrubbed off of my brain. But like Confucius said, there are sights that you can't unsee. And like Confucius, there is not enough spunk in my valves to eradicate the memory of this pus-riddled pestilent propaganda of preversion. I think that's a hundred.

Sure, Kent Bateman (if that is his real name), owes the world for his irresponsible spawning of the likes of two medium attractive Eighties television child actors. That would be oh so horrible enough. Now this. This! Why can't we have nice motion pictures? You know what's a good motion picture? Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia. That motion picture is so good in fact that even our own Stu is under the narcotic impression that he was the first person to ever have seen it. Like all young innocents, this evangelical urge to pronounce and testify, ye!, even be inspired to attempt to establish his own sanctioned congregation in the good news of Sam's revelation is neither sttrange nor precarious. In fact, it is scientific destiny. What, perchance, is the scientific destiny of this motion picture known in these filthy Toronto alleys as The Headless Eyes? The answer, so very elementary and punctual, is the same chemically corrupted compost that is the natural justice for so much rotgut and vinegar.

Let's talk about spoons for a second. This film isn't even good enough for quality cutlery. I have a well-educated suspicion that these were actually silver painted sporks, and most likely the very same silver paint that threatened the life of god damn Barnaby Jones. That's just how toxic this shitty ratrag of a motion picture this is. Do you kiss your mother with this motion picture? I doubt she has the time or patience to let you try. There's not enough pure grain listerine to wash the foul stench of this scum-scathing disease from your face. And now it's on mine. Thanks. Like some penny-ante who-ah spreading your stinky crease for all who dare stand the stench of it. I feel raped by this motion picture. Sure, I went on the date. I was dressed for sleazy entertainment. Freeballing ike a prancing fool, I had no protection. This is my sin and I apologize to no one. But do I, does anyone of any degree of moral destitution, deserve such a dickstab of a motion picture as this? I implore you.

I wish I could think of the children. But can I bare to turn this sullied face to them, watch their benelovent naivete turn sour as they cannot fail to register the lingering perfidy practically dripping from these soiled, suffering eyes? They won't understand, but deep down, they will know the knowledge of something so terrible and trembling. God help them, they will carry this unspoken, unformed fear with confusion and unrest. And the only cure for their vague sinister apprehension will be to, somehow (presuming that a wiser future will not have eradicated every last print), they happen to stumble upon this motion picture, perhaps by carelessly scrolling through some shadowy message board populated by skeevy dweebs, and suddenly, oh so awfully, realizing the terror for themselves. At least, the very very least, it might bring some closure to their haunted troubled psyches. This is the curse that you have damned upon us.

Why? What hideous urge were you trying to fulfill? What sickness of soul compels you so? Are we not suffering enough? Have we not traversed to valleys of wretched despair only to arrive at this wicked oasis of slime? Are there even enough rocks left in your scarred shriveled sac to make any of this worth your while? Or is it all just for the scorched charcoal chuckles that you have left to choke up? What cancer would be good enough for you? What debilitating disfigurement could convince you of your misplaced vanity? What Canadian television hellscape could be sufficient to contain your putrid dissolution? Sir? I won't have it. I'm sick of the sight of it. I shit at ease at the thought of your eventual demise by your unsatisfied sexbot. I rue the thought that your name will live on as a cautionary legend of internet stupor. Gimme my goddamn ten points.

You would have got more points just saying it was good.

10 points for Janson

[Jinnistan]

Thank you.

Full disclosure: I didn't watch that film.

[Apex Predator]

Thank you.

Full disclosure: I didn't watch that film.

Thanks for your honesty.

I'd like to place a claim on those points now.

[Torgo]

I'm pretty much only choosing this clip because I once lived in this slum of a building and was amused to recognize it upon a rewatch.

I had no phone and so used to make many phone calls in that phone booth to the left lol.

Videodrome?

[crumbsroom]

Videodrome?

Bing!

[crumbsroom]

Thank you.

Full disclosure: I didn't watch that film.

I should have known. Your love for its peculiar and beautiful awfulness would have been overwhelming in your assessment. Everybody loves Headless Eyes. It cannot be denied, even by those who hate it, which I believe is everyone.

Minus 10 points for Janson