RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Discuss anything you want.
Post Reply
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Fri May 22, 2020 5:59 am

This thread will be in commemoration of a film me and my untalented friend made thirty years ago today.

But unfortunately, much like Todd Browning's "London After Midnight", it too has been lost to the uncertainties of time. Or, more specifically, a friend who borrowed it and then lost it.

Supposedly.

Over the course of the next day or two, or possibly year or three, I will do my best to do a shot by shot analysis of this classic film I haven't seen for at least ten years. I cant' promise to break anything down thematically, but I will give you the best sense possible of what a rollercoaster of a film experience this happened to be for those who saw it. But was unfortunately only experienced by very few.

Along side of my shot by shot analysis, I will also share some tantalizing tidbits from the films turbulent production, it's unreceptive reception and recollections of the friends and family who were the only ones to have seen it. Not to mention a complaint or two by all of those grandparents who were watching TV in the other room while it was being filmed.

Hopefully, the insight about to be provided will address all of the pressing questions that have been left unanswered for years.

Now buckle in, regardless of whether or not I forget to ever post in this thread again. Because I just might. Maybe. And if I happen to return, watch me give the world what can only be called a a deep dive into the myth known only as Rambling Man.
User avatar
Popcorn Reviews
Posts: 3167
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 7:22 pm
Location: Michigan

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Popcorn Reviews » Fri May 22, 2020 6:04 am

Image
User avatar
The Nameless Two
Posts: 17501
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2012 6:18 pm

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by The Nameless Two » Fri May 22, 2020 7:46 am

Awesome
User avatar
Rock
Posts: 2707
Joined: Wed Aug 21, 2013 12:48 am
Location: From beyond the moon

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Rock » Fri May 22, 2020 12:19 pm

Will you be posting actual screenshots for this shot by shot analysis, or will we be treated to crude MS Paint approximations of the original images?
"We're outgunned and undermanned. But you know somethin'? We're gonna win. You know why? Superior attitude. Superior state of mind." - Mason Storm
____
Blog!
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Fri May 22, 2020 2:09 pm

Rock wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 12:19 pm
Will you be posting actual screenshots for this shot by shot analysis, or will we be treated to crude MS Paint approximations of the original images?
This video contained blackmail level material, so even if I had a copy, its magic would need to be kept under strict lock and key.

I just had the thought late last night of making as detailed an account of what I remember to be on this tape, before the memory of it completely fades.

Then, because of boredom, I chose to create this thread to document that writing of.

Now even though I think I remember a good chunk of it pretty well, I didn't think to how I would address the problem that I will likely struggle to remember it entirely chronologically. So this will be a dumpster fire of a thread, if I manage to take on the challenge.

No matter the outcome though, the world lost something very special the day Rambling Man went missing. An entirely improvised horror film, made by two dorks passing the camera back and forth between eachother, each of us playing a myriad of characters, almost all of whom are dressed exactly the same. Unless we were playing women.

I'm pretty sure we made it clear when we were playing women.
User avatar
Captain Terror
Posts: 2799
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2017 12:06 pm
Location: New Orleans, LA

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Captain Terror » Fri May 22, 2020 2:17 pm

First The Other Side of the Wind and now this? It's a great time to be a cinephile.
User avatar
Captain Terror
Posts: 2799
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2017 12:06 pm
Location: New Orleans, LA

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Captain Terror » Fri May 22, 2020 2:18 pm

The title Rambling Man suggests to me an action-musical starring Jerry Reed. How far off am I?
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Fri May 22, 2020 2:27 pm

Captain Terror wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 2:18 pm
The title Rambling Man suggests to me an action-musical starring Jerry Reed. How far off am I?
It is a slasher in a suburban house. There was never any clear reason it was called Rambling Man. This was the title because no thought was put into a single element of production. I didn't believe in thinking things through. Planning was for losers, I would frequently scream at those who thought I was mad. That would just have tamped down the creative spirit of myself and the friend I took hostage to make this miracle of modern cinema.

WHY DID NO ONE UNDERSTAND ME!!!! STUPID WORLD!!!!!
User avatar
Thief
Posts: 2864
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 10:20 pm
Location: Puerto Rico
Contact:

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Thief » Fri May 22, 2020 2:31 pm

I'm 100% confident that this will never happen. Never.
--- UNDER CONSTRUCTION ---
User avatar
Captain Terror
Posts: 2799
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2017 12:06 pm
Location: New Orleans, LA

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Captain Terror » Fri May 22, 2020 2:41 pm

What year are we talking about here?
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Fri May 22, 2020 2:45 pm

Thief wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 2:31 pm
I'm 100% confident that this will never happen. Never.
lol
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Fri May 22, 2020 2:47 pm

Captain Terror wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 2:41 pm
What year are we talking about here?
It was made on the nights of May 20-21st in the year of 1990
User avatar
Torgo
Posts: 3206
Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 5:40 am
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Torgo » Fri May 22, 2020 2:54 pm

Image

According to JustWatch, it's not streaming anywhere. Too bad.
Last Great Movie Seen
Razorback (Mulcahy, 1984)
User avatar
Captain Terror
Posts: 2799
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2017 12:06 pm
Location: New Orleans, LA

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Captain Terror » Fri May 22, 2020 3:04 pm

crumbsroom wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 2:47 pm
It was made on the nights of May 20-21st in the year of 1990
So, well past the point where slashers were relevant. Bold choice!

(and I just noticed the "30th Anniversary" in the title. In all caps no less. duh.)
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Fri May 22, 2020 3:51 pm

THE TITLE CARD

The film opens on a simple image. A scrap of three ringed paper taped to the bottom of a closet. The fiery orange of a shag carpet can be viewed at the bottom of the frame. Unseen, inside of the closet, many Wacky Packages have been stuck.

While the paper we see on screen has by now long been lost to time, these stickers likely remain here, still resolute in their stickiness, still hilarious even in shadows. One can imagine there existence is still to this day unknown by the Chinese Diplomats who now reside here. Just like the history of the miraculous filmmaking that once took place within their walls. Both can only be found if you know where to look.

Only one word appears written on this very important piece of paper: RAMBLING. It is written in red ink. Even though the paper is lined, the word pays no heed to straightness. The letters dribble carelessly down the page. It is almost as if there had not been enough time for proper penmanship. But of course there was. Penmanship is simply not the passion of this young auteur. He only cares of getting the necessity of credits quickly behind him and moving on to something more interesting. But for the time being, since his co-director is late in arriving to the first day of shooting, time must be killed, and this is the only thing that can be done without his help, as talentless as this friend might be.

Slowly, one dash of black ink after another begins to appear in quite a ghostly manner upon the paper. Something is being scrawled beneath RAMBLING by an unseen hand. This has all appearances of being an attempt at animation, but stripped of any sense of wonder. As we watch the slow progression of this word being spelled, the shadows of the co-director, who has finally arrived and is now aimlessly wandering back and forth past the light source, will be a constant distraction.

"You have shattered my illusion", the director cries out, when he realizes what his assistant has done. "The sweat of my labors, all for nothing".

But the show must go on. The director is a consummate professional.

After the duration of approximately 40 seconds, the word MAN has finally been completed. To highlight the inherent drama of such a moment, there is the sudden crack of thunder, which has been supplied by a record in the directors personal collection: Sound Effects of Death and Horror Volume 13. This is a collection of mostly upsetting sounds distributed by the BBC, and it possesses a most awesome cover that most parents would never think to permit inside of the house.

The camera dramatically cuts to black.

A moment of silence. Then, loudly, the opening guitar licks to John Lennon's "Well Well Well" begin. The crackle of the record is clearly audible.
User avatar
Death Proof
Posts: 3262
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:14 pm
Location: South Jersey

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Death Proof » Fri May 22, 2020 7:17 pm

Godard did it better.
Ain't no grave gonna hold this body down
User avatar
Oxnard Montalvo
Posts: 1934
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2017 4:27 am
Location: parents' basement

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Oxnard Montalvo » Fri May 22, 2020 9:17 pm

that feeling when you open up the index page and see a new crumbsroom topic
Image
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Fri May 22, 2020 9:32 pm

Oxnard Montalvo wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 9:17 pm
that feeling when you open up the index page and see a new crumbsroom topic
Image
You dastardly....
User avatar
Jinnistan
Posts: 3580
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:47 pm

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Jinnistan » Sat May 23, 2020 2:49 am

Captain Terror wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 2:18 pm
The title Rambling Man suggests to me an action-musical starring Jerry Reed. How far off am I?
I was hoping more for....

User avatar
Jinnistan
Posts: 3580
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:47 pm

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Jinnistan » Sat May 23, 2020 2:59 am

crumbsroom wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 3:51 pm
a record in the directors personal collection: Sound Effects of Death and Horror Volume 13. This is a collection of mostly upsetting sounds distributed by the BBC, and it possesses a most awesome cover that most parents would never think to permit inside of the house.
Image

Wiki wrote:Many sound effects were created by "mistreating large white cabbages".
User avatar
Jinnistan
Posts: 3580
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:47 pm

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Jinnistan » Sat May 23, 2020 3:00 am

This thread will save me the pain of ever having to testify to the details of my own adolescent homemade horror film, "Careful With That Axe, Janson Manson".
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Sat May 23, 2020 3:07 am

Jinnistan wrote:
Sat May 23, 2020 2:59 am
Image
Have I ever mentioned this record has the sound effect.for Slimers first appearance in Ghostbusters? It is called The Mad Gorilla.
User avatar
Jinnistan
Posts: 3580
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:47 pm

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Jinnistan » Sat May 23, 2020 3:13 am

crumbsroom wrote:
Sat May 23, 2020 3:07 am
Have I ever mentioned this record has the sound effect.for Slimers first appearance in Ghostbusters? It is called The Mad Gorilla.
Slimer does look like the ghost of a mistreated cabbage.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Sat May 23, 2020 3:33 am

Jinnistan wrote:
Sat May 23, 2020 3:13 am
Slimer does look like the ghost of a mistreated cabbage.
User avatar
Jinnistan
Posts: 3580
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:47 pm

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Jinnistan » Sat May 23, 2020 3:39 am

That gorilla seems to be having a pretty good time to me.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Sat May 23, 2020 4:06 am

EXCLUSIVE: Excerpt From Interview with Co-Director of Rambling Man

crumbsroom: "I'm currently writing a history of the production of Rambling Man and posting it on that movie forum"

assistant director: "Good lord. Can’t wait to read it"
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Sun May 24, 2020 2:31 am

THE CREDITS

The screen remains black. There is a universe of possibilities as the bass guitar of Klaus Voorman throbs expectantly. Beneath the music, even as John Lennon screams, a rustling can be heard. There may even be the familiar screech of Scotch tape.

As the image slowly returns, it seem a new piece of paper has magically replaced the title card. This will announce to the audience that this is officially a WinSum production. Then another slow fade to black.

More rustling. More tape. It's possible the director says something nasty to his assistant. It is possible the assistant is already bored.

Now there is yet another piece of paper. The camera has gone out of focus, so it is impossible to read the names of the lead actors. It hardly matters anyways. The names were obviously stupid made up names.

There are many more fades to black. There are many more pieces of paper. The cast seems enormous. The credits never end. There are concerns the song playing will not be long enough.
User avatar
Death Proof
Posts: 3262
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:14 pm
Location: South Jersey

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Death Proof » Sun May 24, 2020 4:43 am

Jinnistan wrote:
Sat May 23, 2020 3:00 am
This thread will save me the pain of ever having to testify to the details of my own adolescent homemade horror film, "Careful With That Axe, Janson Manson".
Fortunately my "Mr. Bill Against Drugs" anti-drug commercial has long since been lost in the mists of time.
Ain't no grave gonna hold this body down
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Sun May 24, 2020 5:19 am

Death Proof wrote:
Sun May 24, 2020 4:43 am
Fortunately my "Mr. Bill Against Drugs" anti-drug commercial has long since been lost in the mists of time.
Details!
User avatar
Death Proof
Posts: 3262
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:14 pm
Location: South Jersey

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Death Proof » Sun May 24, 2020 5:48 pm

crumbsroom wrote:
Sun May 24, 2020 5:19 am
Details!

Senior year in high school (1990) I had a Communications class. It was brand new, and our teacher's first time teaching.

it was a pretty fun class, and our final project of the year was making a commercial. (on VHS) Anti-drug commercials (the egg/frying pan and the "I learned it by watching you!") had been out for a couple of years so my group decided to do our own.

We all pitched in for a couple of packs of Playdoh and did a Mr. Bill Against Drugs. I was doing the shooting and the Mr. Hand voice. My best friend Rick did the Mr. Hand movements. In short, Mr. Bill buys drug from drug dealer Sluggo, his dog OD's on pills and Mr. Bill does a line of coke and his head explodes.

Unfortunately the tape has long since vanished.


In Film class I did a short documentary on 8mm about some kids cleaning up the woods behind one of our schools. (actually it was one guy who was doing community service after getting arrested for something, but a bunch of kids pitched in to help.) I think I still have the film for that packed away in a box somewhere.
Ain't no grave gonna hold this body down
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Mon May 25, 2020 7:10 pm

#3 OPENING NARRATION

The camera has left the bedroom of the director and is now out on the street. A wide screen shot of suburban Flamewood Drive fills the frame. The sun is going down and a dusky light has filled the air. Thankfully, all neighbours remain indoors as shooting of these exteriors commence. It would not do having the Hansford twins outside doing the daily shammying of their jeep as they listen to Haddaways' "What Is Love, squirting eachtoher playfully with a hose. This is not that kind of movie. There are also no stray dogs roaming to hump the director as he tries to steady the camera on his shoulder. This is the magic hour and the director realizes it. He shoots quickly, hoping to ensure he captures a mood befitting of the narration he is about to read aloud in his pubescent warble.

The director has been scribbling and rewriting these opening words all day. Since he is not yet comfortable having anyone listen in on what he has written, he has instructed the assistant director to stand at a distance as he shoots these first scenes. The narration will describe a home, out in the country, entirely isolated from society. It will also describes many other things not to be seen on camera. Unfortunately, the director did not think to tailor what he wrote to the reality at hand. This will continue to be a problem for him in most aspects of his life to this day.

As the narration continues, there are many shots of the home the director lives in with his grandparents. It is a menacing enough looking place, so at least reciting ominous stories of all of the evils that have happened here doesn't seem entirely off the mark. There is a dead looking tree on the lawn, of which we get a few shots of its branches swaying in the wind. Artsy! As it begins to rain, the images begin to blur, the lens becoming confused at the droplets of water that are falling on it.

A black cat is soon spotted crossing the street, and the camera quickly turns on it to catch this gift, this perfectly timed bad omen. What we have here is living breathing cinema, composed in the moment, working with what is at hand, embracing the happy accident. The director feels encouraged that the movie gods are smiling on him. Unfortunately, there is clearly a struggle for the director as he tries to both read from his rain smudged paper while also following the cat, who is much faster than he expected. The cinematic devise known as the shakey cam is invented in this very moment. The cat can barely be seen, but we can imagine it is out there somewhere in the blur.

Now, slowly having grown more comfortable reading these words he has written out loud , he is ready to allow the assistant director near him. This moment was unavoidable since the AD will also be playing the titular character in the film and it is time for his first scene.

The narration continues as the AD is directed to stand smugly on the side of the road. The backstory of this character is he has apparently moved here from the city to the country. A long and detailed description of what a dirty yuppie he is will follow.

This is the role the AD was born to play. Being a long proud owner of the Trump Board game, he has shown himself to be a quick learner under the tutelage of his childhood idol staring back at him from the cover of the box. He has never read the rules of how to play, but makes a good show of stuffing his pockets full of the play money and strutting around the house with his chin held high, pretending his brother and sister are homeless people he refuses to give any money to. The specter of the 80's millionaire has long been a running obsession in his life. In grade 5 he used his oral presentation to marvel over the magnificence of business executives, even as classmates made it clear with their glazed expressions that they were not yet ready to dabble in the harsh world of the stock market.

He IS this character. He will make this supposedly rambler of a man come to life on the small screen.

Initially, the director had hoped to have a good long close up shot of the AD's face as he narrated in poetic detail the soulless nature of his existence. Unfortunately, in his desperation to not miss a single insult he has prepared for this moment, he will once again fail at properly centering the camera as he reads from his notes. We can't even see the ball of paper the actor crumples up and throws to the ground, in illustration of his disgust towards the natural world. All that will make it into the shot is the shoulder of his subject. He is wearing a colorful Benneton windbreaker. We can only imagine the khaki trousers the narration claims he is wearing and that he lintbusts daily, as Yuppies are supposedly well known to do.

"Khaki trousers? What?" the AG will mutter under his breath once the shot is finished.

The director can't be bothered to explain.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Tue May 26, 2020 1:48 am

EXCLUSIVE: ASSISTANT DIRECTOR VOICES COMPLAINTS TO TELL-ALL REGARDING FILMS PRODUCTION

Having read the first few installments of the 30th Anniversary Extravagana, the Assistant Director of Rambling Man has issued a cease and desist order from this continuing.

At the time being, the director is ignoring any kind of requests to comply with this phony attempt to corrupt the telling of this story. This is also his story. He'll tell it any damn way he wants.

Lawyers have been contacted. Ninja stars have been procured.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Thu May 28, 2020 2:15 am

#4 THE RED TRUCK

(production details about red truck to follow)

(Lawsuits mounting)

(Beers: 3, Whiskey: 1, Wine: 2, Pot: Lookout)
User avatar
Popcorn Reviews
Posts: 3167
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 7:22 pm
Location: Michigan

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Popcorn Reviews » Thu May 28, 2020 2:32 am

Are we going to get a young crumbsroom nude/sex scene?
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Thu May 28, 2020 2:35 am

Popcorn Reviews wrote:
Thu May 28, 2020 2:32 am
Are we going to get a young crumbsroom nude/sex scene?
You wish.

And yes.
User avatar
Captain Terror
Posts: 2799
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2017 12:06 pm
Location: New Orleans, LA

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Captain Terror » Thu May 28, 2020 2:37 am

crumbsroom wrote:
Tue May 26, 2020 1:48 am
EXCLUSIVE: ASSISTANT DIRECTOR VOICES COMPLAINTS TO TELL-ALL REGARDING FILMS PRODUCTION

Having read the first few installments of the 30th Anniversary Extravagana, the Assistant Director of Rambling Man has issued a cease and desist order from this continuing.

At the time being, the director is ignoring any kind of requests to comply with this phony attempt to corrupt the telling of this story. This is also his story. He'll tell it any damn way he wants.

Lawyers have been contacted. Ninja stars have been procured.
I'm getting a Hitchcock/Tippi Hedren vibe from all of this. I'm uncomfortable.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Thu May 28, 2020 2:42 am

Captain Terror wrote:
Thu May 28, 2020 2:37 am
I'm getting a Hitchcock/Tippi Hedren vibe from all of this. I'm uncomfortable.
It all ends in the completion of Rambling Man!

Its a happy ending.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Thu May 28, 2020 3:13 am

Lawyers from both sides have met. We hashed the details out in Chinatown. At least I got a free dinner out of this nonsense. Lawyers know their dimsum.

Now got a belly full and all lawsuits have all been dropped, thank God. What a drag that was in a pandemic. But brighter futures ahead!

And now....the truth.
User avatar
Jinnistan
Posts: 3580
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:47 pm

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Jinnistan » Fri May 29, 2020 12:46 am

crumbsroom wrote:
Thu May 28, 2020 2:42 am
Its a happy ending.
I'd sue too.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Fri May 29, 2020 2:30 am

Jinnistan wrote:
Fri May 29, 2020 12:46 am
I'd sue too.
It's fighting words like these that start my lawyers Voltroning into an even bigger lawyer.
User avatar
Jinnistan
Posts: 3580
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:47 pm

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Jinnistan » Fri May 29, 2020 4:38 am

crumbsroom wrote:
Mon May 25, 2020 7:10 pm
Being a long proud owner of the Trump Board game,
Here's a true story. I, myself, was a less than proud owner of the Trump board game. I apologize to no one, because I didn't ask for it. In fact, it was a fairly clever prank my father pulled on me, making sure that it was the one gift I was allowed to pre-open on Christmas Eve, 1989 (yes, 30 years ago...). He knew how much I hated Trump even then, who at the time was embroiled in the midst of his Taj Mahal catastrophe, the perfect puncture to his overflated balloon of an ego that I was so sure would end his sleezy cat-pissed coif. It was pretty exciting to get a wrapped box that big, after all, because Trump products are always boxed so bigly.

Even though I never played the game, I doubt that rules would be necessary. It was obviously Monopoly with Trump properties instead of streets and utilities (and no jail, if I recall correctly).

In due disclosure, the spine of this Trump boardgame, stashed into a overly-stuffed shelf, does make an appearance in a brief tracking shot of Careful With That Axe, Janson Manson. Shot approximately five months shy of thirty years ago today. The Trump spine always got a laugh, killing my suspense.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Fri May 29, 2020 6:36 pm

Jinnistan wrote:
Fri May 29, 2020 4:38 am
Here's a true story. I, myself, was a less than proud owner of the Trump board game. I apologize to no one, because I didn't ask for it. In fact, it was a fairly clever prank my father pulled on me, making sure that it was the one gift I was allowed to pre-open on Christmas Eve, 1989 (yes, 30 years ago...). He knew how much I hated Trump even then, who at the time was embroiled in the midst of his Taj Mahal catastrophe, the perfect puncture to his overflated balloon of an ego that I was so sure would end his sleezy cat-pissed coif. It was pretty exciting to get a wrapped box that big, after all, because Trump products are always boxed so bigly.

Even though I never played the game, I doubt that rules would be necessary. It was obviously Monopoly with Trump properties instead of streets and utilities (and no jail, if I recall correctly).

In due disclosure, the spine of this Trump boardgame, stashed into a overly-stuffed shelf, does make an appearance in a brief tracking shot of Careful With That Axe, Janson Manson. Shot approximately five months shy of thirty years ago today. The Trump spine always got a laugh, killing my suspense.
I didn't have any idea who he was at the time. Just another role model for the formative years of my assistant director. Trump, Bette Midler and the shark from Jaws made him the man he is today.
User avatar
Death Proof
Posts: 3262
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:14 pm
Location: South Jersey

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Death Proof » Sat May 30, 2020 12:11 am

crumbsroom wrote:
Thu May 28, 2020 2:42 am
Its a happy ending.

I usually have to pay extra for that.
Ain't no grave gonna hold this body down
User avatar
Jinnistan
Posts: 3580
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:47 pm

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Jinnistan » Sat May 30, 2020 12:47 am

crumbsroom wrote:
Fri May 29, 2020 6:36 pm
I didn't have any idea who he was at the time. Just another role model for the formative years of my assistant director. Trump, Bette Midler and the shark from Jaws made him the man he is today.
Ruthless People ruined a lot of our generation's latent yuppies.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Sat May 30, 2020 1:37 am

Jinnistan wrote:
Sat May 30, 2020 12:47 am
Ruthless People ruined a lot of our generation's latent yuppies.
Really more of an Outrageous Fortune deviant.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Sun May 31, 2020 2:27 pm

crumbsroom wrote:
Thu May 28, 2020 2:15 am
#4 THE RED TRUCK

(production details about red truck to follow)

(Lawsuits mounting)

(Beers: 3, Whiskey: 1, Wine: 2, Pot: Lookout)
A conveniently placed glass of water. An early morning phone call. Reaching out from sleep to answer. Splash. All over laptop. Motherboard fried. Notes for reference temporarily lost. Red Truck indefinitely delayed to the despair of millions.

Who happened to make this surprise early morning call?

One guess. And it wasn't Jesus.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Thu Jun 04, 2020 5:31 pm

#4 THE RED TRUCK

The Red Truck is always parked on the road across from the directors home. It will act as a perfect prop for his first official scene, if not a dangerous one. He has seen what happens to those driving instructors who view it as being equally useful as a place for their students to practise parallel parking. The director has seen many of them over the years pull up to it, turn their wheels, slowly begin to back up. He watches through his bedroom window for the inevitable. The front door will blast open and a 600 pound man will come rushing down the porch steps towards them, shouting, swearing, face red, coming to shake the offending and tiny car in his arms. Instructors scream to accelerate. Sixteen year olds sit frozen behind the wheel as their car is rocked back and forth. The director sips at his cup of tea as he watches and wonders if these ones will escape.

But risks must be taken and the director needs a moving truck to stand in front of for his first scene with any dialogue. The scene will establish that the City Slicker has now arrived, and the man who drove the moving truck has ominous stories to impart about the home he is about to move into. The Truck Driver will need something to casually lean against as he imparts this folksy wisdom. It is mandatory.

Because he determines what responsibilities fall to whom, the director gets his AD to check the windows of the house the truck owner lives in. Make sure they aren't being watched. There are other concerns to be heeded to first though. He also let's it be known the AD must keep off the grass as well. To step on that lawn is equally perilous. A single step--a single blade of grass pushed out of place--will summon the 400 pound father of the truck owner. Maybe not quite as dangerous, but best to avoid, if at all possible.

A naturally cautious individual, the AD hardly manages his job of making sure the coast is clear before giving the thumbs up. He just wants to get this over with. Plus it has begun to rain harder. Even though the director does not trust him, they begin the scene. He is becoming antsy as he becomes more and more aware of how many windows there are on this street, and how many eyes may be watching him at that moment. He is generally an indoorsy type director, for this very reason. He does not need 600 pounds of additional weight to make the idea of being watched terrifying to him.

The director himself will play the Truck Driver. He stands in front of the truck with his arms crossed. He is wearing a (temporarily clean) white t shirt and black jeans. His hair is long, uncombed and unfathomably unwashed. It is clear by his posture he either hates being in front of the camera, or is worried that he is about to be rushed from behind.

"She's a good looking home, she is?"He says in some kind of effort at a Southern Accent, but should just as likely be deciphered as some kind of Post Modern Dork Dialect.

The Director and Assistant director trade places. With the director behind the camera, the AD now stands in the exact same spot that the Truck Driver had just been standing. When the camera comes back on the Truck Driver will suddenly turn into the City Slicker. All it would take is a flash of smoke for this cinematic magic trick to have impressed Melies himself. It unfortunately does not add much to the rustic simplicity of the scene though.

"She sure is", the City Slicker nods and waits awkwardly for the camera to be turned off.

The dance between who holds the camera and who stands in front of it is performed yet again. As it will be countless more times before this production shoot has ended.

For the next shot the Truck Driver will tell a long winded story about how the previous owner was similar in his city ways. Maybe didn't understand the ways of the country folk all too well. Eventually some kind of untimely end was met. Than because he is a noble and heroic Truck Driver, he offers his pledge to help the City Slicker if he ever finds himself in some kind of supernatural danger.

A pan across the front of the home makes it seem as if it looms above the two characters. A truly haunted home. Clearly there is something up with it one can't put their finger on. The only life to be seen anywhere in it is from an enormously fat cat can be seen in one window, licking the remaining tufts of hair off of its already bald and pink belly.

The City Slicker seems to dismiss these Southern Fried anecdotes he has just received with a shrug.

"I'm sure I'll be fine, thank you very much", he answers. It is clear by his delivery that the AD is more concerned about the rain that is now pouring down on them, than any kind commitment to his performance. He pulls his Beneton jacket over his head and runs towards the house. It is unclear if this was meant to be the end of the scene, or if the AD is once again being a terrible disappointment.

The director turns to follow, but looks over his shoulder towards the window that overlooks the red truck, and thinks of a large man sitting inside, watching. The fact that they were not chased away he takes as his hearty approval of his artistic endeavour. Maybe, he thinks, he should give the trucks owner a copy of the film once it is completed. He thinks he might appreciate that. He doesn't come out all that much anymore, but every once and a while the neighbourhood kids convince him to stand in their teams goal during a game of road hockey. He will come out and politely stand there, tennis balls bouncing off of his ample belly, feeling both content at being the streets best goaltender, and now, as long as the director gets the chance to tell him, the official prop man for the motion picture production of Rambling Man.

If only he could go back and include him in the credits...
User avatar
Captain Terror
Posts: 2799
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2017 12:06 pm
Location: New Orleans, LA

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by Captain Terror » Thu Jun 04, 2020 8:50 pm

crumbsroom wrote:
Thu Jun 04, 2020 5:31 pm
The front door will blast open and a 600 pound man will come rushing down the porch steps towards them, shouting, swearing, face red,
That could have been some really intense cinema. Too bad the director didn't have the Herzog-level guts to deliberately incite this reaction and record it for inclusion in the film. :x
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Thu Jun 04, 2020 10:03 pm

Captain Terror wrote:
Thu Jun 04, 2020 8:50 pm
That could have been some really intense cinema. Too bad the director didn't have the Herzog-level guts to deliberately incite this reaction and record it for inclusion in the film. :x
This is exactly what I thought while I revisited the moment. What a waste, eh? I should have got my assistant director to go up there and knock loudly on the door a few times before I started rolling.

And sadly it would be an opportunity that I would never get again. The neighbour soon ate himself inside of the house and we didn't see him for another ten years.

Well, in truth, we saw him once more, but we won't go into those particular details. It certainly wasn't under circumstances where handing him a copy of Rambling Man would have been appropriate.
User avatar
crumbsroom
Posts: 3643
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:15 am

Re: RAMBLING MAN by crumbsroom: 30th ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA

Post by crumbsroom » Fri Jun 05, 2020 2:12 pm

A REPORT FROM THE GRANDPARENTS, INSIDE

Filming is about to come inside. Unsuspecting grandparents sit in front of the television, watching the movie channel. They have so far not approved much of what their grandson has gotten up to with the movie camera they have rented him for the weekend. He has begged for this moment for years now, and for what? His grandfather had to chase him from the kitchen when the director pointed the camera at him eating more than his share of bacon during breakfast. His father, who lives in a room at the end of the hall, has been forced to stab him with a broken radio antennae to stop from being filmed while making his bed. And his grandmother has begged the director not to go out filming that afternoons dog walking. HIs father is hardly up to the task, carrying a beer, wearing his moccasins and possessed by the kind of mood where he is likely to hide behind the neighbours trees as he walks through the daylit streets.

Within a few hours he has exhausted everyone's patience with being filmed and no one in his family will now come anywhere near him. For the rest of the day leading up to the movie shoot he has been forced to spend all of his time making videos of cats sleeping on chairs and eating their food and sleeping on different chairs.

"This is what I had to pay a hundred dollar security deposit for", his grandmother asks. "What a waste of time"

But there is little hope they will be any happier with the film the Director has in store.

He has been busy that day stirring up vats of ketchup based blood. Securing tattered clothes he can stain with impunity. Procuring all the sharp utensils from the kitchen drawers to mull over in deep creative contemplation.

"You should stop this horror nonsense", he grandmother has kindly suggested. "Why don't you try making a move about something you know"'

The Director doesn't listen and just squirts a little more ketchup into a bowl. He needs it to drip better.

............

Years later, reached for comment, both grandparents share their recollections on their memories of the movies shoot.

Now having moved from the house where Rambling Man took place, the grandmother sits in a chair in a small two bedroom apartment she shares with her son. It takes her some time to remember her feelings about the finished film her grandson has created. As she thinks she is eating banana, now her sole method of sustenance. Eventually, after folding the banana peel carefully and laying it down on the reading table beside her, she furrows her brow and asks with some concern: "How much was that security deposit, again?"

Contacted from the afterlife, where the grandfather has finally been reunited with the beloved Sweet Marie candybar he lost during the war, he offers his standard comment of "Dooo Doo Dooo, De Dum Dum Dum". Then he wanders back into the light, jangling the coins in his pockets as he always has. The Director is comforted to think that heaven has provided him with enough quarters to make this familiar sound all the way into eternity.
Post Reply